the middle

Pursue Jesus

2012-02-07T11:11:00.000-08:00

"I don't want to pursue anything but Jesus, not even ministry."

This is something that is consistently on my heart as I go throughout my days. I think a lot about "ministry"- ministry meaning living out the gospel and the Scriptures day in and day out. I also mean specific things/organizations I'm a part of from my job at Central, running Intimacy, being a part of Masterpiece Conference and writing songs/leading worship. I think about ministry in these contexts often- how can I be doing it better? How do I really practically live out the Scriptures I'm reading and how do I encourage other girls I meet with to live it out in the stage of life they're in? I can easily get caught up in "steps" or "processes" of how to do something the "right way" (or at least as I picture it). "I want to steward what I'm given well" is a phrase I'm often talking with others about or asking the Lord how to do in my prayer times. I really do want to do the best I can with what I've been given- I think this is a really great desire, but often I let this desire be what my heart is pursuing and Jesus is left to the side. When in reality, all I need to be doing is thinking on and pursuing the Lord.

All other things will follow.

God honors those who pursue Him with a pure heart.

Scripture says that we are to set our minds on the Spirit, which is life and peace(Romans 8). I can easily see the opposite of life and peace all around me when my mind is set on other things. Even though thinking about how I can be doing things better can be really good and lead to knowing Jesus more, I know myself and I am really prone to being more concerned with doing things right than with just following Jesus. I have to remind myself so much when I'm thinking on ministry (in relation to my job and the other things I'm involved in) that if I'm not thinking on Jesus more than what I can do better, it is all in vain. It's really hard for me to let that go and trust Jesus with the outcome. I want to work hard and see the outcome I expect, not simply obey what the Father is telling me to do and trust Him with the results. Lord, help me let this go.

I've been to a few different conferences specifically geared towards people in worship or ministry leadership. I've been really encouraged in some of them and, unfortunately, really discouraged in some as well. Usually the discouragement kicks in when half way through a talk when I realize that Jesus hasn't been the focus of the teachings/ breakouts, but rather how to do _____ well. Of course, the foundation is all in pursuit of making Jesus known and bringing His kingdom on earth- I'm all for that- but I just think that a lot of our time we spend talking about steps to grow our ministry, we should just start with talking about Jesus; pursuing Him and prayer. It's out of all of this that ministry thrives and feeds off of.

There are so many women I've read about, from Amy Carmichael, Emma Booth Tucker and Corrie Ten Boom, who have had such massive influence on generations of women that have lived this out so well. There writings consistently point to dwelling and thinking upon Jesus. As they did this, they got to be a part of what God was doing around the world and in their homes. As these women pursued Jesus, obeyed and trusted God with the results of what He put their hands to they saw Him do things through them they never thought imaginable. Oh, Jesus, let it be in my life! At the end of my life, like Samuel the prophet, I want to be able to stand up before all the people I've had the honor of leading in small or big ways in confidence that I've done and led them the way the Father would want me to. I think this only can come in pursuing Jesus first...and by "I think" I mean I know and have seen it in the Scriptures and in the lives lived before me.

Lord, help my life be about pursuing you and nothing else. I trust that all you want for me will follow. Help redirect my eyes, heart and mind when it's dwelling on anything else but you.

Life

2011-11-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

Warning: picture overload. There were WAY too many things to write about since I haven't done hardly any updating in the past several months, so I deciding to just use pictures. I don't want to forget anything from this season- there have been so many different things going on and I have been learning so much!

The Move:
First off, back at the end of May the five of us (well, Blair and Ash came a little later in the summer)...

Blair, Kellie, Me, Jess, and Ashley

...received the gift of moving into this house:

dream house

We have loved living in this house and have experienced the Lord's kindness in ways we never could have expected. Obviously the house itself is beautiful and so fun thanks to our friend/owner Shauna (seriously, every time someone says something is cute in our house the response is always "oh, yeah...that's Shauna's"- but we're cool with it), but I cannot even begin to describe the gift it has been to live with these girls. I have come to know and understand the character of Jesus more and more with each day of living with these friends. I have been challenged, prayed for, encouraged and loved so much through each one of them - what a treasure! And we laugh a ton- who wouldn't want to live with funny people?! See what I mean:

Big Bird/Blair at Kiva's party. had to Blair-bear...sorry :)

We've asked the Lord to use our home the way He wants and He has been faithful! Our house is perfect for the different ministries we are all involved in from working with inner city Bryan to a house church that meets in our home on Sundays, JSL to my Central college girls.

Summer small group dinner! I LOVE my job and I LOVE these girls! This summer, I got to walk these girls through the book, Prodigal God- so, so good! We learned so much and had lots of fun every week.

Year 2:

I started my second year as the college girls director at Central Baptist Church. Who knew that the biggest 2%er would still be around in Aggieland? I have absolutely loved every minute of this job and am so thankful for the ways the Lord is moving in these students, the church body and in us as a staff. It's been so fun to be a part of this church- especially when staff meetings look like this:

that would be my boss showing off his man-calf during a meeting...aka making fun of me for cuffing my jeans

Roadtrip!:

After moving in and starting year 2 of my job, I hit the road with some of my favorite people to go see some friends of ours in Oklahoma. It was a fun trip full of rest, laughter, friends and...sadly ended with me and Will getting one of the worst stomach bugs I've ever gotten. Did I mention we got it the day we were heading back home? Yeah...no fun, but we made it!

me, kell, aubs, and Jada on the way to Oklahoma

Friends got married:

My Project Runway buddy, Stacy, got married and I got to sing at her beautiful wedding. She was gorgeous, as always!

One of my sweetest friends from college, Blaire, got married and I had the privilege of standing by her on her big day! Such a sweet wedding! So happy for you and Dwight!

Come Awake:

Come Awake, my first EP, was written, recorded and produced this summer! I cannot even begin to describe what a gift this has been! It'll be another blog post because I don't want to forget any of it. But I will say for now that I was overwhelmed to the point of tears at the generosity of the Lord and my family and friends throughout the whole process.

laying the scratch tracks

cutting acoustic

producer extraordinaire/friend Lizi Bailey

sweet friend that made it all happen...i will be thanking her for many years to come

Lizi adding keys

THE Shauna Maness working her magic on my album design

this is what she came up with...I LOVE it. Shauna, sister- you did an incredible job!

And there they are!

Other happenings:

Got to hang with my favorite little people

I had several student leadership retreats, Impact and ministry fairs throughout August...busiest month of the year by far in college ministry, but also one of the most fun! My introverted self has to practice being a little extraverted for a little bit :) I love my one on one time with my girls, so this month was for sure stretching for me, but so good. I love meeting so many new students and get so excited about what Jesus is going to do in and through them in their time here.

Blair and I got to surprise Aubs and celebrate her birthday with her in Houston

Blair and I also visited my hometown, New Braunfels, to suprise my best friend at her photography display for True Vineyard Ministries. The sun's bright in NB

love these friends...Andrea, Abbey and me. If you need a great photographer in the San Antonio/Austin area this is your girl: Abbey Henderson Photography

got in a little fender bender...or collision maybe. totaled my car...

...got this one! I love it and am so thankful!

Blair and Aubs made some Elmo cake balls that looked exactly like the ones on Pinterest. And by exactly, I mean not quite, rather large and slightly ghetto "Elmo" cake balls...but the birthday girl enjoyed them! And they gave us a good laugh.

just in case you didn't get enough Big Bird earlier

pedicures with the roomie and our friend Brook!

the Garza's got married! Such a fun trip and wedding!

Babies everywhere!!! 3 of my friends gave birth to some precious babies:

My friend, Jenn had her sweet baby Olivia Joy!

meeting Steph's first boy, Judson Christopher Lee for the first time

me, Steph, Kell and Judson

love this little man!

My friend, Donna had her first little girl, Hannah Rae Stuart! This girl is too sweet!

Intimacy 2011

Intimacy 2011! How in the world was it already the 5th year of Intimacy? Wow, thank you, Jesus for all the ways you've been faithful to meet us and bless this night over the years. I got to do a lot of remembering what God has done the past several years and am really thankful to be a part of this ministry. One of my dear friends, Lucretia, spoke that night and I got to lead worship, along with Talitha Dance Co. I'm so thankful for our time and the ways the Lord was teaching us how to dwell with Him.

Lucretia, me, and Steph. I am so thankful for the ways these two have ministered to me over the past several years.

love these girls; me, shauna, blair, kell, steph and aubs

Steph, me and Shauna. Had fun leading with Shauna!

Mom is 50 29!
My sweet mama turned the big 5-0 a couple weeks ago. Sadly, we completely forgot to take any pictures!! We got to celebrate with some family and friends. I'm so thankful for the years of faithfulness she has displayed to each my dad, me and my sister and to Jesus. My mom is a prayer warrior, extremely passionate, loves to give and desires deeply for people to know truth. I'm thankful for her and the ways I've learned more about the Lord through her life. She was one of the first believers in her family and because of her decisions to love God, as well as the Lord's kindness and blessing, future generations of our family will forever be changed and hopefully be centered on Jesus. Thank you Jesus for my mom!

Congratulations for making it this far! As I said, lots going on here. I'll get better at updating one of these days.

Nurturing Father

2011-09-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of updates to come. Several things have happened in the past few months- life has been overwhelming, fun, joyful, restful, tiring, and many other things- all good thanks to Jesus. He has been so kind to me and I'm looking forward to sharing about everything happening in my small part of the world. That'll probably mean an overload of pictures in the post to come.

But for now I just want to share a picture of something the Lord gave me the other day. I was staying with one of my dear friends the other nights, helping out with my favorite little people while her husband was out of town. She recently had this little man, Judson Christopher...

Side note: I never could have imagined how much I would love being "Aunt Ashley" to this little man...he is precious and already has me wrapped around his finger. Anyways...back to the blog :) The other night, Steph woke up to feed him in the middle of the night and as I drifted in and out of sleep, I felt the Lord reminding me of some of the characteristics of the kind of Father He is- nurturing, caring and loving. I'll just share what I wrote the next day in my journal. I hope it encourages you as you read and think about the Father He is or wants to be to you...

It was around 2 or 3 am probably when Judson started stirring. He whimpered for a few minutes then started crying out- clearly, he was hungry. Steph heard his cry and woke. She started speaking really tenderly to him and she leaned over his bassinet to pick him up. She pulled him in close and began feeding him. I wish there was a way to input sounds in my journal- you would have thought he had never eaten before, when in reality he had eaten just a few hours before. After he was finished eating, she burped him then laid him back down, reminding him how much she loves and likes him. Peacefully, he went back to sleep.

As I laid there, half-asleep, listening in and out to this whole process, I felt the Lord gently reminding me that He does the same with His kids. One thing is different though- He never sleeps- He is always ready and alert (not that it was bad Steph was sleeping...mama of 3, she needs it :) ). I was imagining Jesus just sitting watching us sleep, waiting for us to wake up and realize how hungry and in need of Him we are. He will see us stirring and often wait for us to cry out, in faith, acknowledging we are hungry and know that He will hear our cry and respond- as He always does. He picks us up, speaks gently and tenderly to us, pulling us really close, all the while affirming and reminding us that He knows we are hungry and He will feed us. The second we really get a taste of what He gives, we drink it all in, almost forgetting He just fed us moments before. After the feeding, mothers always burp their babies to get the gas out- if not, the baby will often cry until it burps. In the same way, after we are fed, it's almost like going through a sifter. With the eating of what is good, we have to get rid of the junk- if not, it won't sit right and peace cannot abound. It takes some hard patting on the back and encouragement to get it out. Then gently, He places us back down, constantly reassuring us of His love and care and promises to always give us what we need.

What a tender, nurturing Father we have! Thank, you Lord for this reminder. Help me to understand this deeply.

I hope your week is sweet. Updates coming soon :)

Come to the Table

2011-06-13T14:19:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking a lot lately on how the Father prepares a place for His children at His table. There have been a lot of tables that I’ve had the joy of sitting at; sitting across and around people that I really love and respect. There’s something about sitting at a table that’s been prepared for you. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve felt more at home than when I’m sitting at my parent’s kitchen table with my mom’s home cooking or been encouraged at the tables of other friends that love me and prepared a place for me in their homes. And to think, as much as they have fed me- both physically and even spiritually- how much more God pours out at His table!

One of the beautiful pictures is that it is the King Himself who sets the table for us. He doesn’t even hire servants or cooks, but He prepares our table. I’m not a mom, but I know there must be days when it is hard to make sure everyone eats something before they go to bed, much less have to prepare a full meal for your family in the middle of everyday chaos. God is sovereign; everything is under His hand and conforms to His will, yet He still sets the table for His children. What a servant our King is! Thank you, Jesus!

There are a few things to think through about sitting at the table with the King…

1 Corinthians 10:21 says, “You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons. You cannot partake of the table of the Lord and the table of demons.” This means a couple things: 1) There are two tables set before us- the table of the Lord and the table of demons; both being set with the purpose of feeding us, although, both what is being fed and the results of eating at these tables are drastically different. And 2) we cannot be at 2 tables at once.

As I’ve thought more on this, it’s helped me to sort through each of the tables and what is present at each one…

The Table of the Lord

This table is where we can taste and see that the Lord is good, a table full of His riches and mercy. Scripture says that the Lord lavishes His grace upon us (Ephesians 1:7&8). Wrap your mind around that for a second. He LAVISHES His grace upon us. It’s through this grace that we have salvation & forgiveness of sins. What grace to receive salvation that we don’t deserve! This should establish in us an unshakeable thankfulness for what God did through Jesus for us.

It takes humility to sit at this table. Who isn’t humbled or put in a lowly place when they are in the presence of the King? There is no room for pride at a table where the King serves His servants. The greatest act of humility was His becoming like us to save us. When the reality of this sets in, our want to see us exalted diminishes and our heart desire becomes to make much of Him.

The King prepares exactly what we need- always. Our King is all knowing. We never leave the table lacking or hungry. We walk away full and more complete with every meal. We do however always leave looking forward to the next meal. Once we really taste and see that the Lord is good, we can’t get enough!

In Ephesians 1 it says that God does all of this (salvation and unifying us to Him through the blood of Jesus) according to His pleasure and will. It pleases Him to see His children being filled with what truly satisfies. He loves looking around the table and seeing each child, created in His image to bare His glory, eating their fill. An overwhelming gladness comes with knowing our Father delights in filling our bellies and satisfying us.

Our King lavishes grace to the undeserving, making us thankful- knowing we were about to go hungry, when He pulled us to the table for a feast He prepared.

Our King is a servant, making us humble. He not only tells us about humility but also in His death was definition of it.

Our King is all knowing, making us satisfied because He knows exactly what to provide.

Our King loves to care and feed the hungry, making us glad to sit at His table of provision.

The Table of Demons

This table is set by Satan- the king of darkness and the Deceiver. Scripture says that he comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). Satan is the complete opposite of everything Jesus is. Where Jesus gives grace, he gives condemnation and judgment. Through this condemnation and lack of grace, our hearts are filled with an ever-present dissatisfaction- dissatisfaction with ourselves, others, and our lives altogether.

Where Jesus’ table brings about humility, Satan’s brings out pride and a sense of entitlement. He draws us to the table, telling us that we deserve more, that we’ve earned a seat at his table that is full of worldly pleasures and glories. He showed us the perfect picture of pride and entitlement when he felt like he deserved to be on the same power level as the Creator. He made much of himself, resulting in him being cast away from God forever. At Satan’s table he only speaks of making much of everything but Jesus. He builds up our pride like a giant wall, hoping it will overshadow and block our view of the table of the Lord.

He fills his table with what appeals to our senses, but never satisfies. He disguises our wants as needs and offers to meet them. Satan doesn’t care about filling our bellies with what truly satisfies. He only cares about getting us to his table. Why? Well, what happens at tables? Conversation. He is the Father of Lies…he just wants to start up a conversation, and what better place than at his table that is lacking of everything we really need; a table full of temporary fixes and momentary pleasures that will soon lead to sickness and even death. Have you ever been watching a movie or distracted by a conversation while eating chocolate or some other sort of sweet? What usually happens? Before you know it the bag is gone and eventually your stomach lets you know you’ve had too much of the wrong thing or you are more tired, slower to react where you used to be quick. Satan does the exact same thing at his table. He uses lies and distractions to keep our minds off of what we could be experiencing at the King’s table. Every stomach that sits at this table leaves hungry. There is a difference in food that looks good verses food that tastes good and is good for our bodies physically- it’s the same spiritually. Satan’s table leads to nothing but more and more want and hunger for more of what never satisfies.

Sitting at Satan’s table brings discontentedness and eventual hurt that is beyond comprehension. When the veil is removed, we see that Satan is not in anyone’s corner, but his own. Where Jesus delights in feeding us what is for our good and His glory, Satan loves to see us hungry, feeding us plates empty of spiritual nutrition.

Satan pours out disgrace and condemnation on the already hurting, making us dissatisfied.

Satan feeds lies and builds up the flesh, leading us to pride and a sense of entitlement.

Satan knows what most easily makes us walk away from the King’s table. He prepares a table covered in dishes of fall advertisements of satisfaction, leaving us hungry and always wanting more.

Satan glories in destroying and ruining the hungry and needy. His table leaves us discontent and full of shame.

Satan’s table leads to confusion, frustration, sickness and death, and to us wanting more of ourselves.

Oh! Let us run from this table!

The King’s table is filled with undeserved grace and blessing, love that casts out all fear and condemnation, forgiveness, and stirs in us a hunger for more of Jesus and His Spirit.

Oh! Let us run to this table!

Come; sit at the table of the Lord!

Waiting Well

2011-04-26T15:23:00.000-07:00

How did I miss 2 months? I've thought about blogging a few different times over the past several weeks, but never really had much to say that I thought was blog-worthy (for the 3 of you that read this). I've had friends describe me as the type that doesn't really like to waste words, so I guess this proves their point (point Shauna Maness).

So what will I write about after a month of waiting and wondering what to write about? Well, how about a blog on waiting? Waiting is all around us. My friend, Aubrey and I were talking about waiting several weeks ago. We both have things we are looking forward to- she and her husband are going to be moving this summer and she is really looking forward to being a mom one day (and she's going to be an excellent one!). I am looking forward to being a wife one day and also looking forward to recording an EP this summer (that's another blog post). As we continued talking about these hopes of our, we realized that everyone is always in some sort of waiting.

Being in college ministry, (almost a year of a full-time job under my belt- what in the world?!) I am constantly around students who are waiting on something, someone, security in who they are in Jesus, the walk across the stage, direction on what in the world to do after graduation, etc... I'm around (and am one!) single college grads waiting on jobs, ministry opportunities, feelings of purpose, godly husbands (extremely good looking ones of course :) ), etc. I'm around young moms- they're waiting for baby #_ to come, for their child's first steps/words, waiting on their children to wake up from naps to run errands, opportunities to serve and minister, for date night with their man, time to rest, etc. I'm around older moms- waiting on retirement, waiting on their children to grow up but not too fast, waiting on a son or daughter-in-law so that they won't have to wait as long for grand-babies (shout out to my mom...one day, mom, one day), etc...

You get the point?

Waiting.

It. never. ends.

While this may seem a little bit of a downer, there is joy and hope in waiting. If we're always going to be waiting on something, it seems like a great idea to learn how to wait well. Why wait well? In hopes that those periods of what seem like endless wait may be unimaginably more life-giving than what we're even waiting on. I have experienced this over and over throughout different seasons of waiting and asking the Lord for the next season over the years I have known and walked with Him.

A few things that have helped me wait well (or been absent in my waiting, resulting in some rough days):

Knowing and believing He is a good Dad and always does what is best for His kingdom.

He never grows tired or weary and that Spirit is alive in us who know Him as Lord. Isaiah 40:30&31

His power is made perfect in our weakness- 2 Cor. 12:9

Wisdom and understanding come from the mouth of the Lord and He gives without finding fault. Proverbs 2:6 and James 1:5

I have been so encouraged through the life of King David. He is someone that knew how to wait well. He was anointed at a very young age to be king, but would not fill that role for several years to follow. He had to trust the calling that God placed on his life and trust His timing in it. During his waiting, God prepared his heart into one that would give him the name "the man after God's own heart." During these years of wait, God was readying and ministering to David so he would be ready to lead his kingdom well. I long to be like David in times of waiting, but often find myself more of an Abraham- wanting to take things into my owns hands, resulting in an Ishmael. Thankfully, our God is a gracious one. Our mess ups can be taken to Him, with a dose of humility, and He will carry it.

As I have thought more about waiting, I began thinking of people I know (through their readings or people I know personally) that have waited well. With each one of them, trust, prayer, community, and serving and learning in whatever ways they can in the present are all woven in their everyday lives. They trust God to be the Good Shepherd that He is. They trust that He is always working out everything for the good of those who love Him. They are honest when it hurts, they're sad, and when they are tired of waiting. They don't ignore their hopes and desires...they take them to Jesus but serve Him where they're at in the moment. They know how to rest and dwell with Jesus. They love the Scriptures and live them out to the fullest.

I am really thankful for the different times of waiting I've gone through and the one I'm currently in. Throughout all of them, there were times when it was so hard to wait and not constantly think about the next thing (i.e...sitting through accounting and finance when I knew I wouldn't be using it...ever). But there were also, and I'm currently in a very sweet time of waiting. There are hard days, but ultimately I love where I am and what I'm getting to do right now. He's made it very easy to wait. I absolutely love what my days are full of right now. Days full of sweet college girls that are really wanting to know Jesus, getting to learn from the wives and moms around me, playing with their kids, learning how to cook healthier (a constant state of learning for me), and playing/writing music. What a fun season God has me in! I'm trying to soak it up, knowing my life will be different in a few years...there will never be another day like this one. Every day is different and the same goes for seasons and years.

So, if you're waiting on direction about what to do when you graduate, waiting for a ring to show up on your left hand, waiting for peace in your family, or anything else: rest. Rest in the Truth of the Gospel and the Father that holds you. Look for areas you can be growing and learning in right now that may not be available when you reach the next season. There is a reason you are in this time of your life- there is purpose in every season we go through.

Page Turner

2011-02-24T09:01:00.000-08:00

That should be my new nickname, I've decided. I never thought the day would come when I would really, really enjoy reading, but the day has arrived. Since I graduated and started working, the consistent schedule frees up my nights-something I haven't had free really since middle school. Crazy. Since I was in 7th grade, I played sports year round, with practices after school which carried on through high school (there was a season when I was athletic- hard to believe, I know). Then in college, organizations and studying took over my nights...and days.

It's been nice to breathe a little and to learn to be home when I'm home. With a little more down time, I've learned to love reading and have learned so much in the past few months from it. I thought I'd share some of the books have read/I'm reading and been in encouraged so much in.

Crazy Love- I read this one this summer with some of my students and taught a study on it. I loved it. Francis Chan has such a sweet way of describing the joy he has in knowing Jesus and the whole time I was reading it, my desire to be like that grew and grew. I want my life to be described and known for having a crazy, passionate love for the Savior that redeemed it. If you haven't read it yet, go get it!

Corrie Ten Boom is definitely on the top of the list of my heros. This woman knew God and loved Him. In The Hiding Place, she tells the story of her journey through concentration camps during the Holocaust. She knew the depths of healing that forgiveness brings and walked it out in her own life. This book is the story of her traveling the world after she was released from the camp. I have been so challenged in the way she interacts with people. She didn't have the mentality that I have to love and serve people first before I tell them about Jesus, but I can do it all at the same time. It's as if she approaches every conversation like it could be her last chance to tell someone about the Gospel. I want to be like that, full of faith and living a life out of such thankfulness for what Jesus has done in me that I can't help but tell everyone I meet about Him.

I know, I know- I'm 10 years behind everyone else. My friend almost had a heart attack when she found out I hadn't read this book yet. I'm not really into fiction and usually prefer to read biographies over anything else. But she let me borrow it- which automatically puts pressure on you to read it because you don't want to keep someone's book forever :) So I picked it up a few days after she gave it to me and read over 8 chapters in the first sitting (this was huge for me...I am an insanely slow reader). It was such a beautiful picture of the redemption and grace of Jesus. I think my eyes were consistently teary as I turned each page. But a beautiful story! It was really sweet reading this too as some friends have recently started a chapter of Jesus Said Love here in B/CS. This group ministers to the overlooked and forgotten and focuses on truckers and strippers. I've been blessed to be on the prayer team and pray for the girls the team ministers to- Redeeming Love paints such a detailed picture of the thought process and trap so many women fall into and has grown my tenderness towards these women so much. Go read it if you haven't yet!

There are several others I've been reading through, like Fragments that Remain and Whispers of His Power by Amy Carmichael, Brothers, We are Not Professionals by John Piper, and Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry by Lisa Bevere, that I'm looking forward to finishing because I have learned and been challenged so much already by the few chapters I've read in each one so far. I'm really thankful for the ways God uses other believers to encourage and teach us through writing- my knowing Jesus has become sweeter because of it.

And a few exciting things coming up in the next week...Friday night I'll be doing a breakout at a retreat for a Christian girls organization, Tuesday night is All Women's Breakaway (they are doing a panel this year and I'm on it!) and next weekend is Masterpiece Conference- I am the project coordinator and helping out with a breakout on mentoring with my friend, Steph and her mentor, Lucretia. I am so excited to be a part of each of these and praying for a lot of rest throughout the week, wisdom as I prepare/teach, and lots of fun! Will you pray with me?

He takes us in His arms

2011-01-26T13:02:00.000-08:00

First off, if you've never read anything by Amy Carmichael go buy one of her books and start reading. This woman loved God and loved to tell others about Him. A friend of mine gave me a devotional book that has different excerpts of notes or letters she wrote to friends and relatives. I read this one earlier today and just thought I'd share...

Mark 9:36

"And He took a child, and set him in the midst of them: and when He had taken him in His arms, He said unto them..."

The little boy might have been shy, standing alone among thirteen grown-up men, perhaps strangers. Most children would be. But there is nothing too small for the love of our Lord Jesus to understand and to remember. Before He spoke words that would naturally cause the men to look at the little boy, thus making him feel observed and uncomfortable, He took him in His arms.

Perhaps this day is going to hold some especially trying things. There are sure to be things that we would not wish to have to face. Before they happen- if we are little enough to let Him do it- our Lord Jesus will do for us just what He did for that child long ago. we need never stand alone among our troubles. We need never be lonely at all. We need never be afraid.

I love that. He doesn't throw us into things unprepared without first letting us know He's there. Nothing is too small for Him to remember. That blows me away. Psalm 38:9 says even our sighing is not hidden from Him. What a comfort to have a Savior who knows the reasons behind our sighs- every one of them.

Tired Feet, Full Heart

2010-12-23T20:41:00.000-08:00

I know the title is lame...real lame. But when I think back on last week those are the words that describe it best. Really, my feet have never been that tired. Why? Well, I walked around Hermann Memorial Hospital...all of it. With this friend

Shauna Maness

If you haven't ever checked out her website go now: www.shaunamaness.com

She is an amazing (some would even say, "world-renowned") photographer. This woman captures some amazing things with her camera and it was so fun to tag along for a week as her friend/assistant. She asked me a little over a month ago if I could help her out for a few days in December. Little did I know when I said yes that I'd be walking into an O.R. and standing 10 feet from a surgery...gross. She was hired by Hermann Memorial to capture everyday life of their employees from the cleaning crew to surgeons. It was an intense 4 days of walking, meeting people, going in and out of hospital wards and seeing people hurting and others getting well. I've been asking God to grow my heart more in being more tender towards others and in prayer- this week for sure challenged me in a way that couldn't have happened otherwise.

Here are a few pictures of the week...

Tuesday night we got to go to the Houston Rockets game and sit court-side, 2nd row thanks to the CEO of the hospital, Craig.

And Hakeem Olajuwon was there that night

The view of Houston from the helipad

Before we headed into the o.r.- trying to make Shauna laugh

ready to go

It was so great to get out of College Station for a few days and just do something different (and stay at Hotel Zaza- it's as swanky as it sounds. Every time I say it I feel like I need to sit up straighter and put my nose in the air). It was fun to meet so many new people and kind of funny how challenging it is to explain my job to people that don't live in BCS...I don't get to do that very often. God was gracious in giving us so many opportunities to talk about Jesus and the gospel.

It was so life-giving to hang out with Shauna for 4 days. I've known her for about a year and half now and have gotten to spend more time with her recently. She's one of those people that you love the first time you meet and is more and more fun every time you hang out with her. So needless to say I was excited to spend some time with her. On the way to Houston, we both shared our stories with each other. I love hearing other people's stories and Shauna's is one that tells of the mercies and kindness of Jesus. Throughout the week we laughed a whole lot- this girl can make me laugh so hard and thankfully Shauna enjoys dry humor, which is about all I got :) I saw her go in and out of hospital rooms and love people so well. She was a beautiful picture of the compassion and kindness of Jesus. Our conversations were so encouraging and I walked away knowing more about Jesus and wanting to be more like Him. Thank you, friend. I had so much fun. And sorry for dropping your bags...twice.

And now it's time for Christmas! Really thankful to have grown up in a home that was centered around Jesus and the gospel and always made Christmas about Jesus. Still trying to get used to having Christmas in Beaumont and not New Braunfels. But one thing is for sure, my momma knows how to make our house look like Christmas. I'm sure I'll have some pictures up next week. She has always done an amazing job of making everything feel so special. I'm sitting in the kitchen watching my mom and aunt help my little cousins make Christmas cookies and my cousin (8 year old) just said, "I am so lucky to be here." So sweet. I'm thankful for a mom that has taught me what hospitality looks like. And she knows her kids...I walked into my room to Elle and InStyle sitting on my bed. Thankful for family and time to rest. And I have lots of good books to read thanks to this friend. I'm about to know a whole lot about Amy Carmichael :)

Merry, merry Christmas! Peace to you friends!

Daily Bread

2010-12-05T20:41:00.000-08:00

My life is completely different than I thought it’d be a year ago. It’s even more different than I thought it’d be than 3 years ago. A lot of change has happened, some heartache, growth, tenderness, yearning for Jesus in ways I didn’t know I needed to, worship and prayer. There were a lot of different things I wanted, good things- but not the best. When ideas, career dreams, relationships, and locations changed it was hard. Really hard, but God sustains His children. Through every season, I cannot even explain the amount of peace He brought and continues to bring.

I went home to New Braunfels this weekend for a very short trip. I had a little time Friday afternoon to kill while I waited for some friends to get off of work. I decided to just drive around and see what had changed since the last time I had been there- and New Braunfels is beautiful and fun to drive around anyways. As I drove, I began remembering this was a place where God, in His kindness and steadfast love, starting building a firm foundation of trusting Him and seeking Him. There were definite seasons of pride, legalism, and discontentment throughout high school, but I do look back and see that anytime I pursued Jesus, He was faithful to be there and because of that those were also seasons of growth and knowing Jesus. This built up a trust and peace in my life that can only be explained through the Gospel. I am really thankful to have grown up in that community and the church I did, with the family I have. I had no idea of the things He was preparing in me and how I would be applying those things in years to come. I’m still learning, still growing in His trust and peace throughout seasons I’ve been through in this past year. There have been moments where my hands and time were full with everything I wanted and desired and moments when it seemed my hands were empty of everything I had asked the Lord for- but in all of it…peace. He truly is the Prince of Peace and Wonderful Counselor.

Isaiah 9:6 says this about Jesus:
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

I love that. Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. I love that out of the many names He has, these were the ones God chose to speak through Isaiah about Jesus. What more could His children want? These are everything we need to sustain us- might, peace, counsel and a life that rests in knowing our God has no end. No end! Praise the Lord!!

I was at a retreat a few weekends ago leading worship and for one of the sessions they watched a video of a Marian Jordan talk. Marian talked about the life of Sarah, Abraham’s wife and how there were moments she pursued God well and others where she tried to make it happen. Marian compared it to her own life and there was a point in her talk where she said something to the effect of, “If my life turned out the way I wanted it, I would have missed this.” She repeated I would have missed this a few times, and I was struck by that- struck by thankfulness that God, who is rich in mercy, for whatever reason had me in that room with those girls leading them in worship. If my life had panned out the way I wanted it to a few years ago, I would be in New York, working in fashion, married, “successful”…all of those things were good things I wanted; I really do believe my heart was pure in why I was walking towards them, but slowly the Lord showed me He wanted me to go a different route. Some people thought I was/am crazy. It was hard and there were times I felt like I was walking around in the dark while God was standing by the light switch, taking what seemed like a really long time to turn it on and show me I was about to run into a table. Then I look at my life, right now in this moment- He flipped the switch and provided a job with a description that could not be more accurate for the desires He’s placed in me, at the perfect time. Really, it’s crazy when I think about it- my job isn’t even existent in most places and it “happened” to open up right when I graduated. I just sat there agreeing with Marian- I would have missed this. I look forward to more seasons of change- something I never thought I’d say. But there is something in knowing that our God has no end and wants what is best for His children. Looking forward to whatever people, relationships, ministry, jobs, etc are to come.

And so glad to have these friends through it all...

I have so many friendships marked by the love of Jesus and these 2 have been there the longest. I've known Andrea (bottom pic) since 4th grade and Abbey since 9th. We have rejoiced, cried, laughed a whole lot and walked through life together. I'm really thankful for the gift of friendship and community in the body of Christ. Both of these friends have taught me so much about Jesus, working hard, loving people (and their husbands!) well and having fun. Thankful for you both!

I love these lyrics by Jill Phillips. I think it sums up what we sometimes, or often times, feel as His children who are constantly in want.

Daily Bread
There’s a restlessness in the soul of man 
Nobody’s tamed it yet 
You never fail to keep any promises 
But somehow we forget
That you’re always right on time

You feed us all with a silver spoon 
And like your foolish kids 
We start worrying about what we’re gonna do 
When the hunger comes again

But you’re always right on time 
With an open hand 
You have exactly what I need 
Daily bread 
Daily bread

You have the wisdom and the patience 
We need the grace to see it clear 
Too soon and we take it all for granted 
Too late is more than we can bear

So you’re always right on time
With an open hand 
You have exactly what I need 
Daily bread 

Countless Gifts of Love

2010-11-23T11:27:00.000-08:00

I was looking up quotes and scriptures about thankfulness this morning for something I was writing for work - I know, I know, tough job to write about Jesus, but someone has to do it :) I came across this and was so encouraged, so I thought I'd share...

"German pastor Martin Rinkart served in the walled town of Eilenburg during the horrors of the Thirty Years War of 1618-1648. Eilenburg became an overcrowded refuge for the surrounding area. The fugitives suffered from epidemic and famine. At the beginning of 1637, the year of the Great Pestilence, there were four ministers in Eilenburg. But one abandoned his post for healthier areas and could not be persuaded to return. Pastor Rinkhart officiated at the funerals of the other two. As the only pastor left, he often conducted services for as many as 40 to 50 persons a day- some 4,480 in all. In May of that year, his own wife died. By the end of the year, the refugees had to be buried in trenches without services. Yet living in a world dominated by death, Pastor Rinkart wrote the following prayer for his children to offer to the Lord:
'Now thank we all our God
With hearts and hands and voices;
Who wondrous things hath done,
In whom this world rejoices.
Who, from our mother's arms,
Hath led us on our way with countless gifts of love,
And still ours today.'"
-Copyright 2000 by the author of Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity. Harry Genet

God has given me "countless gifts of love" from the moment of birth. I have so much to be thankful for and am really grateful that He has led me on His way. Happy Thanksgiving!

'Tis So Sweet

2010-11-16T14:18:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe Thanksgiving is next week! I'm so excited to see my family...and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I'm not sure why I enjoy the parade so much, but since I was little that has been one of my favorite things about this time of year. Perks of being the baby of the family- all the older women in the family started cooking while I got to sit and watch the parade...times have changed and now I'm finding myself in the kitchen. Thanks to dvr I can still enjoy it :)

The middle of October through mid-November always ends up being one of the busiest parts of the year for me. With the ministries I’m involved in there are always seasons that end up being way busier than others. This has been that time of year, but it’s been so fun. It was crazy the difference of planning Intimacy without school. I actually was able to sleep the night before versus doing a group project for a marketing class until 5am! It was so peaceful everyday leading up to it. I’ve learned to trust Jesus so much every year as I’ve planned this and have been overwhelmed each time with what God does. Kay did an amazing job- really, it was so good. Like I said in the earlier post, if there was a year that told my personal story this would be it. It was so crazy to hear more of Kay’s story a few weeks before Intimacy and see the similarities in our stories. But the night of Intimacy the things she shared were exactly what I had learned throughout this past year. She talked a lot about being in a constant state of selling what you have, trusting Jesus and holding your hands open to Him trusting that no matter what desires you have He will fill you with Him. He is enough, He is better. It was beautiful and I was so encouraged. As I’ve processed and journaled about it I just keep thinking “that was so fun.” I really just enjoyed it. I sat in the back (first time I’ve ever done that) and just looked around at all the faces in the room. It was beautiful to just take it in and I am really thankful and humbled to get to be a part of this.

my view

Lizi, Donna, Kelly, me, Robbin and Amy...love love love playing with these girls!

Talitha

Donna, Kay and me

Worship was so sweet. I think it was one of the most freeing times I’ve led at an “Intimacy.” I think the Lord was really gracious in giving me so much peace all week. I was praying over it the night before and it hit me- there was going to be someone from almost every stage of my life in the room the next night. My mom and sister were there, my roommate that I’ve known since 3^rd grade, a friend that walked with me through middle school and high school, girls from my youth group that I have known since middle school, and friends that I’ve walked through college with up to the women that have poured into me. I was overwhelmed by that- God has been so good to me and I am so thankful for a night to proclaim His faithfulness to so many girls. God used worship, Talitha and Kay to speak truth and the gospel. I really am thankful for the gift Intimacy has been to me and I pray I steward it well as He leads.

Just a few days after Intimacy I headed to downtown Houston, House of Blues with some of my favorite people to see one of my favorite musicians, Brooke Fraser (if you don't have her cd, go get it! so good). I enjoy Steph, Shauna and Sarah so much and was thankful to have time to just hang out and get away for a night. We ate some amazing food at Guadalajara, laughed so much, heard some great music and had great conversation. The concert was so fun, but the company made the night for sure. I found myself just sitting there listening to them as we talked about life and what we’ve been learning- I’ve learned a lot through these friends and looking forward to learning more.

I'm about to hit the 6 month mark at work. When did that happen? This really has been a season of harvest for me. I feel like I have been receiving and learning so much in my time with Jesus, from my family and community around me. 'Tis So Sweet has been in my head constantly. I look at this past year and see how I really had to trust Jesus at His word and how sweet it is to rest in that. I felt really clearly that He had called me to this area (Bryan/College Station) over my last few years of school but didn't have a clue how that would all work out. I had to let it go completely at one point because I held on too tightly to it. I let go, trusted that I was called to Jesus, not "something" or "ministry" but to Himself. I had to learn to trust that He is better than any idea or picture I had of what my next few years would look like. After learning all of that He slowly began to give it back in a way I could never have imagined. My days are now filled with walking with girls and pursuing the Lord with them, filled with co-workers that love Jesus and want our students to love Him well, filled with friends that are places of rest and renewal, filled with reading/listening to others that are loving and have loved Jesus and others well. What a gift!

There is a part in the movie Hope Floats that I love. The grandmother always says "My cup runneth over" in moments of overwhelming thankfulness. I feel like that's where I'm at in this season of life. My cup is literally running over with blessing after blessing, even in trials or things I'm working through. I can testify that He works all things out for the good of those who love Him. He is good!

And to add to my cup, I get to hang with this little one every Wednesday. How cute is she?

Intimacy 2010

2010-10-25T21:54:00.000-07:00

Intimacy is a college girls worship night I started my sophomore year of college when I was leading worship for Aggie Sisters for Christ. The summer before my sophomore fall semester, I had been praying about putting on a worship night through ASC. Through my semesters leading worship for them, I grew a deep burden for girls to know the truth of who Jesus is and who they are through His salvation. After reading Psalm 139 one morning, I was brought to tears as I sat there thinking about how big God is; how this big God knew my name, how many hairs are on my head, and even knows when I sit and when I rise. He is intimately acquainted with me- Ashley Brusenhan. What?! I had known and believed and walked in this for a long time, but there was something in those verses that stirred my soul in a new way. I was humbled and deeply encouraged. I knew then that this is something I could encourage other believers to walk in and lost ones to walk towards. So I began to pray for vision and wisdom in how to carry this out. And God answered abundantly. Over the past 3 years He has guided every step, from venue to speakers. I could share story after story about His faithfulness, but that would be an insanely long post. He has used this night to speak the truth of salvation, freedom and redemption over His daughters. He has used this as a night to draw girls into deep community with Him and other sisters. He has used this night for girls to confess and start walking back to Him. I am consistently overwhelmed that God has allowed me to be a part of something like this. Thank you, Jesus, I want to steward this great gift well.

This year for me has been a year marked by the faithfulness and loving-kindness of the Lord. A year that I have seen a harvest of things sown. So, it was fitting for the "theme" for this year to be harvest and the faithfulness of the Lord. I am so thankful to have Kay Altic sharing her story. If there I had to choose one of "themes" or years of Intimacy that represents my story, this would be it. My story is one marked by the faithfulness of Jesus over and over (as is every believer's, but you know what I mean :) ). I was telling a friend that after I spoke with Kay, I felt like I was talking to myself 10 years down the road. It's crazy how alike our stories are. I am so thankful to have her share this year and I pray I learn to love Jesus more deeply as she does over the next few years. I pray many girls are drawn to Jesus next Friday. And I'm looking forward to leading with my friends, Donna Stuart, Lizi Bailey, Kelly Needham, and Robbin Johnson and Amy Marks on percussion. Masterpiece's dance company, Talitha will also be dancing to one of the songs- I absolutely love these girls. Can't wait to worship with them.

And I love, love, love this promo video! Donna Stuart and Daniel Karr did an amazing job creating this...I just sat back and watched it all happen. Thankful for them and their hard work, along with Ally, Shannon and Brie who are the girls in the video.

The ultimate purpose behind Intimacy is Jesus.

I hope that the girls who walk through the doors not knowing Jesus will walk out knowing Him, or that it would be a step leading them to Him.

My prayer is that girls will taste and see that Jesus Christ is good. He is better.

I pray for salvation, for freedom, for redemption.

I pray that girls will appropriate Christ as Lord of their lives, remembering that He loves them deeply.

I want girls to believe Jesus hears their hearts and their sighs; He is for them and desires INTIMACY with them.

So less than 2 weeks until Intimacy 2010. Praying for eyes to be opened to the faithfulness and graciousness of Jesus, worship to be sweet and truth to be abundant. Jesus is better, so we want more of you, Jesus!

My Life in Pictures

2010-10-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

I realized I hadn't updated much on life lately beyond what I'm learning, so I thought I'd post some pictures cause that's more fun than reading! Brace yourselves...it's a lot

Right before my trip to Atlanta, my friends Steph and Sammy got married and I had the privilege to sing in their weddings. I actually don't have a picture from Sammy's but she was gorgeous!

Steph was a beautiful bride!

It was so good to see all my friends. We missed our Anna though!

I actually don't have a picture for this first part...so you do actually have to read some :) After ATL, I mainly stayed in B/CS, learning more about my job and had a lot of ministry fairs for Freedom that I attended, from Impact to MSC Open House and Breakaway. I LOVE my job. Really, I cannot say enough to show the gratefulness I have that God has given me a job that I look forward to every day. I have loved getting to know and become friends with my boss, George, and co-workers Chris and Linda. And their families are really fun too! It's made being at Central so fun and I am really thankful to serve with like-minded people. They have such great hearts for our students, for the body of Christ as a whole and for the lost. I have learned so much already from each of them and really grateful to get to serve along side them.

Being part-time this summer, I had a lot of hang time with friends here. It was probably one of the most restful summers I've ever had. I got to spend a lot of time with some of my favorite people, the Lees. They have become family and being "Aunt Ashley" is one of my joys. Some of my sweetest days this summer were hanging with Jada and Kiva.

this would be the famous "Jada smile"

how cute is she?!

I also got to hang with my favorite triplets, the Gidley Girls

Moved into a new house with these ladies

My first time to move since the beginning of my freshman year! Not so much a fan of packing, but definitely a fan of my house. I love it! It's so fun and a great house for hangouts.

here's some of my room

I've had several Skype dates with Lindsey. I miss her but so glad she's having fun in Australia. I'm hoping she comes back with an accent...isn't that what happened to Madonna when she came back from England? :)

Went with Megan and Emily to see Sheryl Crow in the Woodlands...such a fun show!

A few weeks ago, I got to spend some time with Anna and saw Sara Bareilles. This was the best live show I've been to. It put her up there with Sheryl Crow for me- that's a big deal, folks, big deal.

We had amazing seats! And she played so many instruments. Pretty sure she didn't sing a bad note either.

We shot a promo video for Intimacy/Masterpiece. I LOVE it! Daniel Karr shot it and Donna came up with the idea and directed it. If you need a video done, these are the two you want to do it. Here's Daniel's website http://www.waveguidemedia.com/

These girls (Allyson, Shannon and Brie) were awesome! They made the video. They did such a great job!

I turned 23...when did that happen?! My roommates, family and friends made it so special. My roomie surprised me with flowers, an Anthropologie gift card and a cake! Steph took me to lunch at Madden's- yum! And I had so many sweet calls and messages all day. Definitely felt loved and thankful.

Also, I started playing tennis (insert laugh here)...hints me looking slightly gross in the above picture. I may not be the best, but I've so enjoyed it and enjoyed the girls I get to play with every week.

Jada turned 4! And what better way to celebrate it than with butterfly wings, right? Have you ever seen a cuter butterfly?

Modeling her new costume. And check out Aunt Aubrey & Kiva's belly

And a shocker to all of my friends I'm sure...I've taken up reading. I've learned how necessary and helpful it is with my job and I am actually really enjoying it. I still skip around, but I'm going in and out of these.

And last but not least, I've been attempting to learn the Mandolin and Ukulele. They have proven to be a little bit of a challenge, but I love, love, love to learn new instruments.

Congratulations if you made it this far. That was a lot of visual!

A Light in the Window

2010-10-13T22:38:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been reading a book called Women Who Have Worked and Won; it's a collection of 4 women's biographies that have served the Lord throughout their lives and have impacted several through their ministry. I just finished Emma Booth-Tucker's bio and was insanely challenged in my love and tenderness towards people.

A little background on Emma...Emma Booth-Tucker was the daughter of William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army. She ran the training school for women in the Salvation Army, starting when she was just 19 years old. She was the wife of Frederick Booth-Tucker and mother of 6 children. She traveled the world caring for the sick and the poor. She devoted her life to gospel and making it known. There were several stories that were beautiful pictures of the tenderness and compassion of Jesus towards the lost, sick and hurting that left me wanting and desiring more in my life as far as my heart towards the lost and suffering.

One of the parts of her story just left me sitting there in awe of how tender she was to the spirit. She was 15 years old, on her way to a meeting when she saw a man leaning against a wall. She felt the Spirit leading her to invite this man to come with her. That night, the man was saved. She found out he was a "prodigal boy" that had run away from home several years before. He shared with her the long list of things he laid at Jesus feet that night. There were tears and a new happiness and joy in him. Emma asked him if he wanted her to go home with him. The impression that his mother's face laid on her heart would never be forgotten. This tiny woman wrapped her arms around her son and said, "With every blessing I have asked at my breakfast I have prayed for you; and every time I have been out in the open air I have looked for you! Indeed, all my life, Ben, has been a sort of hunt after you." Emma journaled about this experience and said,

"As I left them there, weeping and praising God together, and went home, I looked up through the darkness of that night into Christ's face, and said, 'Lord, let that be so with me; whatever I have and am, let that be my experience, known in Heaven, and known amongst all who shall know me down here, that my whole life may be a 'sort of hunt' after those Thou didst die to redeem-whether eating or drinking, single or married, or whatever comes to me- that I may be able to say equally, when I recognize the prodigals whom Thou shalt help even me to bring home, my whole existence has been a 'sort of hunt' after them, and that my supreme joy was in their salvation."

Wow! What a testimony of a God-centered life! I was amazed at this 15 yr old and the heart she had for the lost. Since reading this, through meeting some new friends that are missionaries in Asia, and just from reading and my time with Jesus, I have been constantly reminded of the gospel and our desperate need to hear and speak it over and over again. I journaled yesterday about how I really don’t ever want to be in a place where I need to be reminded the think on the Gospel, but rather in a place that is consistently grateful for, meditating on, and telling others about it. I realize this has been/will be a challenge, but I really do desire that everything I do, say and think be an overflow of thankfulness to Jesus and the salvation He gave me. I hope I can be like Emma and have a heart that’s deepest joy is when I see the lost come home and be rescued like I’ve been rescued.

Near the end of her life, Emma was on a speaking tour. One of the local papers was writing about her coming to their area and said this,

“A light in the window! There are many human lights- men and women who by the warm light of love are calling wanderers home. Mrs. Booth-Tucker is such a one. A woman whose work of rescue has the approval of both God and man…May her life be blessed, even as she is blessing the lives of many, and may she long remain a light in the window!”

“A light in the window.” I thought about this phrase for a while. Oh that I would be a light in the window of my Father’s house that calls the wanderers and the weary home! That I would be spending time with Jesus-praying, worshipping, reading...in turn leading my light to be even warmer, more inviting! That I would be walking with Jesus in a way that would call people to Him, even from a distance.

I remember when I was working at a camp a few years ago. I saw a counselor that I hadn't met yet, or even seen before for that matter, walking across the field and immediately thought in my head, "She loves Jesus." There was something in her countenance, the way she walked that displayed a character marked by the change the gospel brings. The next summer, I got to know her and found my thought was correct. She walked with Jesus so deeply that even from a distance, across a soccer field, I could see her; a light brightly shining.

Since then I've prayed that that would be me. That people would know I follow and know Jesus even before they hear me speak, through my countenance. I'm praying that I will be a "light in the window."

Ruin leads to Redemption

2010-09-09T12:42:00.001-07:00

I recently wrote a blog to go on our college ministry's website and I thought I'd share it on here. Hope you enjoy it!

I’m not going to lie-I am a huge Julia Roberts fan. Runaway Bride, Steal Magnolias, the list goes on and on- she is the ultimate chick-flick actress. So of course I was excited to see she finally had a new movie coming out and it looked like a fun girly movie. I mean it was called Eat, Pray, Love; what more could you ask for in the title of a movie. It sounded like a winner and looked like one with all the previews involving pizza, pasta and lots of carbs. So I went with some of my favorite girlfriends to see it when it came out. I was shocked in the first five minutes by Roberts’ character wanting a divorce from her husband who seemed to love her well. He fights for her and their marriage, but she firmly rejects. I thought, “Seriously? This is the most depressing opening to a movie I’ve ever seen!” I was brought to tears at the thought of women finding a hero in this woman- a woman that chooses self-satisfaction and pleasure over anything or anyone else. After her divorce she decides to go on a journey to “find herself.” There were several moments where my heart just broke. There were so many lies being fed throughout the dialogue of this movie and all lies that tried to place the main character in a heroic light- far opposite of anything close to what she deserved. I found myself so frustrated and had to walk out halfway through.

As I walked out and sat in the lobby, my heart was so heavy. Tears came to my eyes as I thought about how broken our world is, how selfish we are, and how content we are with settling for whatever makes us feel good. How quick we are to settle for less than Jesus! One theme rang throughout the half of the movie that I saw- you can’t love until you love yourself. Brothers and sisters this is not truth. We have to hate our flesh, to the point of death before we can be made alive in Christ. Scripture is clear, over and over again, that love of self leads to sin. Wisdom is found in denying our fleshly desires.

Proverbs 3:75-8 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”

In a world that is constantly throwing self-help books and programs to help you become a better you, it is so easy to chase after things that don’t matter. We begin looking for answers where they can’t be found. After a while of chasing something that can’t be caught, we get tired and realize there is nothing but ruins around us. There was one part in the movie that really made me think about the Gospel and made me so thankful for Jesus. Julia’s character said, “Ruin is a gift; ruin is the road to transformation.” I thought about that line for a long time. Ruin isn’t the gift. The gift is the redemption that leads to transformation. It is a gift of a really, really gracious God. It is a gift for us when He opens our eyes to see this ruin and that there is nothing in our own power that we can do about it. We have to see this ruin and cry out to the only One that can bring transformation amidst a pile of ashes. He breathes life into us through the death and resurrection of His son, Jesus. Ruin leads to redemption; redemption leads to transformation. Nothing of value can happen in our lives without first being redeemed.

Ephesians 4:17-24 says, “Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!-assuming that you have heard about Him and were taught in Him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

We serve a gracious God that saves us, opens our eyes to the darkness around us and calls us to live. We have to acknowledge this ruin and allow His blood to redeem us and then His Word and Spirit to transform our hearts to look like His. Only in Jesus can ruin lead to transformation.

Hotlanta!

2010-07-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

By now the 3 of you that read this have probably already gotten the update about my trip to Atlanta, but for the sake of keeping my blog up to date I thought I'd post some of my favorite pictures.

I had so much fun with everyone on the trip. We definitely laughed a lot. I seriously have not laughed like that in so long. The first night definitely started the week off in that. This may be one of those "you had to be there" stories, but I think it's pretty funny. We headed to Passion City Church and afterward we were walking to our cars. We had to cross over a pretty large intersection and up a little slant to get to our car in a parking lot across from the church. Donna and Emily were in front of me while Jill, who had just applied lip gloss and holding baby Judah, was right behind (no pun intended...keep reading to get that) me. Right as I reach the top of the little hill, I feel something slam into my rear end (i really just sat here and contemplated whether i should write butt, behind, rear end...i guess rear end won). I turn around and there is Jill...on her knees...trying not to drop baby Judah as she's becoming weak from the laughter that's trying to come out. I start laughing so hard and Donna and Emily turn around to see what I'm sure looked like the epitome of chaos. Donna runs to get confused little Judah, because Jill is trying to hold it together and not drop her kid. As soon as Donna gets him the laughter quadrupled. Apparently Jill lost her footing and fell forward, landed on her knees and her head decided to hit my butt on the way down. Emily starts laughing as she looks at the scene and says "there are lip prints on your butt!" She was not lying...there were perfect little lip gloss imprints on my dress. We laughed so hard for about the next hour and pretty much anytime we thought about it after...I'm still laughing just typing it out. Here's the picture to prove it:

So that little moment started out the week and it just got better. I feel like I learned so much in the studio from watching Donna and the other musicians. I was so encouraged last time about how Christ-centered it was and was again encouraged by that this time around. Jason's studio is such a fun, comfortable place and he is one of the easiest and fun people to be around. That guy is jammed full of talent and gifts and is so humble on top of it. It's fun to see the ways God has blessed him and the good steward he's been with what he's been given. The record sounds awesome, definitely my favorite stuff that Donna's done so far. I think so many girls will be blessed as they listen to this album. Can't wait for it to come out!

As I sat in the studio, I found myself being reminded of how much I love music. I just love to play and learn new instruments. I really find such fun and joy in playing, singing and listening to music. I left so grateful for the opportunities I've had and do have to play and sing whether I'm on a stage or in my living room. I'm also thankful for friends that enjoy the same things I do and encourage and challenge me to be better.

Here are a few other pictures from the trip.

Run through of one of the first songs

Jason adding some guitar to a few songs

By the end of the week I was ready to take over Jason's spot as producer...watch out Black Cat Studios

little smokey...we were making s'mores and Jason's fire was bigger than his house

little Judah man

me and Jill...and Alison Krauss' mandolin

all the girls: Me, Emily, Jill and Donna

the whole studio crew, minus Trey

So my 3rd trip to ATL in one year- crazy! It really was so fun, from studio time to hanging out in the hotel with the girls. So glad to have had the opportunity to go and watch the process of this great record come together. Now I'm back in CS and loving my job, moving into my new house this weekend, and getting planning together for Intimacy 2010...pictures and update to come!

Anna Day!

2010-07-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

Well, a day late- but it's the thought that counts, right? Yesterday was the birthday of one of my favorite friends and roomies, Anna. I love, love, love Anna.

Snow day in CS

I cannot even express in words what she means to me. I have come to know Jesus in a deeper way due to the characteristics I've seen Him display through her. She is easily one of the hardest workers I know- she is so consistent and dependable (except maybe when it comes to answering phone calls :) ).

Spring Break in Florida

Anna LOVES people- she is insanely good at it. Just a few examples: I have seen her serve other college students through being treasurer in Aggie Sisters for Christ (not always a fun job), show the love of Jesus to younger girls in tough situations at Still Creek Ranch, and watched her encourage and pour into a young man through the Prison Entrepreneurship Program that many would have just thrown aside because of his past, and most recently be a part of Teach for America where she has the opportunity to show kids the love of Jesus through a solid education and a teacher that really cares for them.

Annual 211 Christmas Party '08

She has been a picture of the compassion and tenderness of Jesus to everyone around her. She has played a huge role in the Lord making me more tender and I am so grateful for her. I also love Anna because she laughs at my jokes :) Nothing like a friend that builds up your self esteem, right? She's thoughtful, kind, so smart (I mean like 4.0 every semester smart), funny, and an amazing roommate. I had the joy of living with her for 2 years. I think Rachel and I would both agree that Anna is the most selfless person we know. I was so blessed to have a place I look forward to coming home to every time I came through the door. I'm so thankful for the blessing of friendship and that God gives us other believers to journey with. Anna has wept with me, laughed with me, prayed with me and worshipped with me. She has been a sweet source of community and love to me and I am so, so thankful for her.

ASC Famous Couples Date Party (Anna was part of the Village People, Rachel was the girl in the Notebook and me and my date were Jack and Jill-after the fall down the hill)

Happy 22nd Anna Banana!! You are loved!

destined to be

2010-07-09T12:22:00.000-07:00

Update from my week in Atlanta coming soon. I definitely learned a lot and really looking forward to writing it out on here. But for now I'll leave you with something I just found on my sister's facebook. Apparently, I started a lot earlier than I remember :)

I know what you're thinking....what a babe, right?

Inspiration

2010-06-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in Black Cat Studio in Griffin, Georgia- owned by Jason Hoard (producer, musician extraordinaire, and member of Third Day). I was thinking on my way out here, this is my 3rd time to Georgia within a year. I think if I ever live outside of Texas, it would be to live in Georgia (unless, it's New York :) ). I came to Griffin (I wrote about it a little here) back in September and for Passion 2010 in January. I love it here, love the people and love being in the studio. My friend, Donna Stuart is recording her new record called "Trust the Sunrise" this week and I am so thankful for the opportunity to tag along and help out however I can. We were talking the week before and she asked me what I was wanting out of this trip...hadn't even thought about it much, other than just being excited to come and experience studio again. But after thinking about it a little, I really want vision. Vision and direction from the Lord on where to go musically. I don't mean what's going to happen with music necessarily (although, that'd be great to know, but that'll come in time), but musically-sound, melody, rhythm, lyric. I want to be able to share more of my heart and the heart of Jesus in my music. I feel like the Lord has placed so many different things in my life that will add to this, in ways I don't even know yet. As I'm sitting here, listening to some insane musicians and beautiful songs, I am inspired. God's already been faithful in stirring vision in me within the first 2 days of being in the studio. Maybe I should ask for more inspiration often (and by maybe, I mean I should) - this is honestly a prayer I rarely, if ever pray. How sad is that, a musician/creative mind not asking the ultimate Creator for inspiration? That's like having da Vinci for your dad and not ever asking him to show you how to paint or sculpt! So, I'm inspired; inspired to ask for more inspiration, more vision, and more of Jesus- in music and life in general.

a new season & thanks dad

2010-06-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

I'm a workin' woman now. I started my new job as college girls associate at Central Baptist Church here in College Station. I am really thankful for this opportunity and already loving it. It is insane how well this job fits my heart for college girls, while allowing me to be a part of other ministries (worship, Masterpiece and Intimacy) I feel called to as well. On my way to work a couple days ago I was praying for my day and my time at the office, and was just overwhelmed with how good God is- really, He is so good. There have been several moments where find myself asking "I really get to do this...for a job?!" I know there will be many different seasons throughout my time there, but I am grateful for this season- a season of new beginnings, new environment, new people and new tasks. I'm thankful to have a job I look forward to go to everyday. The whole transition has been peaceful and this past week I have been reminded over and over of Isaiah 26:12, "Lord, You establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us." He has done great things, He has established peace, and every good thing is a gift from Him. Thank you, Father.

I also wanted to say how thankful I am to have a dad I can celebrate on Father's Day. I was sad I wasn't able to hug my dad yesterday and tell him how much he is loved. He is such a beautiful picture of who God is to His children. My dad is a man of integrity, hard work, strength and so easy to respect. He loves God and has always prayed for his kids to love Him. He's patient, humble, understanding, gentle and loving. He's a provider and protector. He's safe, fun, and insanely smart (really, it's kind of sick). One of my favorite characteristics about my dad is kindness. He is so kind. I have watched him love people so well since I was little - widows in our church, family that needed help, or us- he has been the kindness of Jesus to many. I've also had the rare privilege of seeing my dad in his work environment and I am so thankful I can say he is exactly the same person in front of his co-workers that he is at home. He's taken care of me when I've been sick, encouraged me when I needed it, always told me how proud he is of me, been at anything and everything I wanted him at (my high school basketball games were not fun...let's put this in perspective- we had 6 players on the team the first year- not fun games to sit through), and he's loved me well where I'm at and encouraged my gifts. There are so many things my dad is, so many characteristics I admire that this blog could go on for a while, but I'll close it with the most important. He's taught me above all that the end of all things is the glory of God, that His name is the most important and that anything else is unsatisfying. So, thank you dad, for loving Jesus and teaching us what that looks like. Jennifer and I are insanely blessed to be your daughters.

Mass Chaos

2010-05-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

It was good to be back in my hood the past few days- good ol’ NB. This was my first time to be back in my hometown since early January and I have seriously missed this place. I don’t know if it just came with graduating and reaching the end of a season, but the sentimental Ashley started creeping out the last month. Something few people may know is that I am insanely sentimental- I’m kind of a sap when it comes to friends, memories, etc. I mean like, keep-every-card-I’ve-ever-gotten sentimental …it’s kind of funny really. But as I was getting closer to graduation, I was remembering what I was like when I was graduating high school; where and who I was and it made me really start missing New Braunfels (but, not necessarily who I was :) ). It was such a fun place to grow up. I have so many memories of summers at the lake and river (how come I can never get as tan as I was when I was in middle school?), sand-volleyball, youth group trips, working at TbarM, amazing Mexican food and great friends. What a blessing to grow up here.

Friday night I had some time to hang out at a new coffee shop in Gruene. This is a little glimpse into my night...

Earlier tonight I was waiting on a friend so I had some time to drive around and see what all has changed. There are so many coffee shops (when I was here there were 2 and one was Starbucks) here now; it’s insane. So I decided to stop by one to read my Bible and journal a little bit but it didn’t go quite as planned. First off, I haven’t been in a coffee shop by myself to get writing or reading done outside of College Station probably since high school- way different story. I came in thinking it’d be free Wi-Fi. I walked in, ordered and saw a cute little section of the shop that had a very inviting red chair with my name on it. I sat down, opened my computer to check my email and no free Wi-Fi…bummer. So I just decided to start writing (in Word, because I forgot my journal- lame) and apparently it’s guitar lesson night here tonight. There are about 5 or 6 guitar players in the middle of the shop with a teacher- and since I’ve been there before and sounded horrible when I started, I feel like I have the liberty to say- it was not a pleasant sound…and loud. But one of the players has a pretty sweet guitar decked out in Elvis stickers. Gotta get some of those for my Taylor. Then a little girl came in with her parents and while her parents were ordering she came over next to me and started talking. She was so cute and had no concept of personal space- I love that about kids. Then her parents came over. I’m thinking they were coming to get their daughter and find a seat somewhere and they just sat in the little area I was in. Normally I am totally cool with people being around me and loved talking to the little girl, but we were awkwardly close and there suddenly was so much going on around me. I am literally trying not to laugh as I’m writing (I’ll be uploading this later, when I find some free Wi-Fi). Mass Chaos all around me. I’m still sitting in the same spot and right after the family left, these 3 little old ladies took their place and they are hilarious. I can hear bits and pieces of their conversation (slightly hard to hear over the guitar- they are doing a mean rendition of She’s got a ticket to ride) and heard them talk about how time is passing by faster and faster the older they are getting. This is one of those moments I wish I could freeze-frame. Thank you, Gruene Grind Coffee Shop, it’s been fun tonight.

Needless to say I didn't get much done, but it was definitely good for a laugh.

We did it!

2010-05-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

We did it! Class of 2010 (can you find me?) finally walked the stage. It was a crazy weekend, but so fun and probably one of the biggest joys/reliefs/excitements to see my diploma in my hands. There have been so many different seasons, circumstances, sickness, lessons and relationships through my time at A&M and I am thankful for all of them and can truly say that Jesus has and is faithful to work everything to the good of those who love Him.

Here are a few pictures (of the 8,867,453 that my mom took)

best roomies I could have asked for

Anna and I graduated at the same time

my sweet family

sad to leave 211

I had to take a few pictures of my room before I started packing. It was so strange packing up the room I've been living in for 4 years. The first thing I did was pack up my bed, and I literally had tears the second I started folding up my comforter. This is the room where I prayed, wrote songs, journaled, talked with friends, cried, rested, and lived all through college. As much as my room has changed since I moved in, I am grateful to say I think Jesus has changed me more- and for the better, I think.

The whole weekend was filled with way too many goodbyes, but it was so fun to spend time with friends and thank Jesus for them and the fun we've had the last 4 years. My friends have so many gifts and I am so excited and expectant to see how they will continue to be used in Kingdom work. I really could not have asked for a better college experience and it just makes me excited at what's to come (which I will hopefully know, very soon :) ).

Cue Pomp & Circumstance...or Vitamin C

2010-05-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post to say:

I'M DONE WITH COLLEGE!!! WHOOP!!! (even writing out "whoop" felt funny- what a sad, sad 2%-er, but I'm ok with it).

This week has been crazy with a lot of stuff going on, but Jesus is so good...and I'm done with college. I feel like Pomp and Circumstance should be playing in the halls the last day of finals in honor of the seniors, but for now I'll just jam out to Vitamin C's Graduation Song (whatever happened to her anyways?) with my roommates. I think it'll take a while to sink in, but I am super relieved at the thought of no more tests, no more classes, no more projects. Looking forward to what's coming up, although I am still in the middle of seeing it all worked out. I'm really hopeful and expectant for Jesus to do great things and totally looking forward to what He will teach me in this brand new season to come.

Walking across the stage Saturday. Seriously, where has the time gone?

There will be blogging and pictures to celebrate. For now I'm looking forward to journaling and thinking about all the stuff that's happened these past four years and thanking Jesus for such a fun, sweet and really life-giving and building time in college. He's been so, so good to me and I haven't deserved anything. What grace and generosity. Thank you, Jesus

Hey Soul Sister...

2010-04-15T19:38:00.000-07:00

This title has zero to do with what you're about to read, but I'm listening to that song right now and don't know if I'll ever get tired of it- so I felt it deserved a shout out :)

It's been way too long since I've done anything on here. Lots to blog about but I'll take it one thing at a time...

Masterpiece:

Well, the harvest definitely came. Wow, God's faithfulness throughout the whole process of planning Masterpiece to the last few moments, and even after, has been amazing. I honestly don't think I have the words to accurately describe the faithfulness and power of Jesus through everything. His faithfulness is what held everything together. From the vision He gave to Donna years ago to every other detail that had to take place, He put it all together- FAITHFUL.

About a week before the conference weekend, I was able to journal during one of Talitha's practices (Talitha is Masterpiece's amazing dance company-seriously these girls are crazy gifted!). I was recounting all the different steps God has directed me through in my life so far to get me to this point. I was literally just sitting there in awe of every little detail He has taken care of in my life. From moving my family to New Braunfels where I'd eventually learn to play guitar, work at TbarM and meet a sweet friend that introduced me to ASC and a ton of other different steps that led to what seems like a domino effect of favor and blessing- God has been so good to me and I have deserved NONE of it. It was so sweet to have that time to think about the ways God has changed me and trained me for what was to come through Masterpiece that weekend and for other things He has planned that I don't even know about yet.

The week leading up to Masterpiece was full of craziness, last minute details, and lots and lots of registration and paperwork! We had so many helpers- we could not have done anything without them, they were amazing...so to anyone that helped out at any part- THANK YOU! Everything ran so smoothly and the actual weekend was so, so fun. God brought the harvest and then some. It was so fun to see all the girls show up and start filling all the seats that first night. So many girls came and it was absolutely beautiful worship, hearing all of them singing and responding to Jesus. I think I had the thought "I love this...what?! I really get to do this?" about a million times throughout the weekend. I cannot say enough that Jesus has been so good and gracious to me in letting me be a part of the community and work He does here. I am really, really grateful.

painting by Jeremy and Jamie Wells...check out their site- artworship.org

It was awesome to see the response of these beautiful daughters to the call to love the world locally and globally. They gave, wrote letters, painted pictures, bought sandals and water- all to grow the Kingdom. I believe God opened a lot of eyes to the hurt in the world through the booths set up, stories shared and through Talitha's movement. The sweetest moment for me personally was during the last main session. Donna was singing Part of the Solution (a beautiful song that shares truth about what's happening globally and the response we as believers should desire to have) and lead choreographer/director of Talitha, Steph Lee danced. I just started weeping when Donna sang the words "She has a name, she is somebody's daughter." It painted such a perfect picture that these women that are hurting all of the world aren't just a "group" but rather individuals with individual stories. I was overwhelmed that God was using Masterpiece as an avenue for these girls to know and understand that better- it was a really humbling moment. Then as Donna continued to sing and Steph danced God just reminded me how gracious He's been in giving me these two women to pour into my life in college. My walk with Jesus has been made deeper and sweeter in college and a huge influence on that has been the involvement of these two dear friends in my life. It was so sweet to share that with them and to be able to serve along side them.

I am excited to see how God continues to move with Masterpiece and the girls in this area. He's done great things and I fully believe He will be faithful to continue. Thank you, Jesus for all that you did!

Harvest

2010-02-24T20:27:00.000-08:00

"One sows and another reaps."
John 4:37

Harvest

This word has been on my heart and mind for over a month now, and even more this last week or so. I fully believe Jesus is speaking this word over Masterpiece - that what has been sown and prayed over the last year, and even longer than that, will be in full bloom this weekend. Harvest means new life, a gathering of things that are ripe and ready. It's harvest time and Jesus is ready to move and change and redeem what's been broken. Girls will know Him, come to love Him, and choose to start walking with Him- I absolutely believe that! I'm ready for the harvest.

We're coming down the last couple days before Masterpiece. It's insane the ways Jesus has moved as we have been on this journey for a little over a year. I can remember just over a year ago, Donna asking me to pray and ask the Lord for discernment on me being a part of this conference. Of course, I wanted to say yes right away, but I knew I needed to really seek Jesus and ask Him if this was the season He wanted me to do this. After a lot of prayer and seeking confirmation from Him that this was where He wanted me, I felt so peaceful saying yes- that this was something I would have the privilege of being a part of. And I am so thankful it was a yes, because I've grown closer to Jesus because of it. It's been my joy to help sow and I cannot wait to see what will be reaped.

Isaiah 61 is the bases for everything Masterpiece is. This scripture is one of my favorites and one the Lord has used to mold my heart to the calling I feel He has placed on my life. I can remember reading it, begging the Lord that I would have opportunities to help "bind up the brokenhearted" and "set captives free." I was reading it this morning before I headed up to the office to take care of a ton of registrations (praise Jesus!) and read this...

"They (the poor) shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations."-Is. 61:4

In my study Bible, the footnote read, "The poor become, through the Messiah, creative restorers of the sad situations that man has had to live with for so long. Every human ideal falls into ruins in this world of death, but the new culture of life in the city of God will thrive forever."

What?!-my reaction when I read this. How good is God? This is what I've been praying over Masterpiece so much. That the poor in Spirit would walk in, see how much Jesus loves them, wants them and is for them. That girls will leave changed forever knowing that, through Jesus, they can make an impact on those around them and help restore what has been broken down. That a new generation of "creative restorers" would step up and help bring a new culture of life in Jesus that will thrive forever.

Thank you, Jesus, for all you have done and are going to do. You have been so good to me! Let your name be huge this weekend and the only one remembered!

And on top of all the Masterpiece excitement, we had snow in Aggieland yesterday!! Here's a few pictures of me and my favorite roomies, sadly you can't see the snow very well because we weren't all home together until late. But, hey, we know it was snowing :)

Ask, Seek, and Knock

2010-01-30T16:13:00.000-08:00

Bare with me...I am still processing a lot of this and it is somewhat hard to articulate in writing, so be forgiving if some of it (or a majority) doesn't make sense :)

Luke 11: 9-10

"And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened."

This scripture has really been pressing on my heart lately. This past month, through different avenues -songs, friends, circumstances, Scripture- Jesus has really burdened and challenged me to start asking for doors to be open. I realized for the past several years, probably since I was in high school, asking for "doors to be open" has been part of my vocabulary as I pray, but the Lord is showing me more and more that I am rarely specific in my asking. I have almost always just prayed "open doors as you see fit." This may not be, and I believe is not a bad thing to pray. We should definitely want whatever doors God wants us to walk through to be opened. We should hope and desire that the things we are asking for would be things He wants us asking for. I have often asked for Him to open doors in school or ministry, friendships and relationships and several other things, but where I am needing to grow is asking specifically. It’s like I almost just don’t address the fact that there are certain desires and ideas and dreams I have, even though He knows I do. I have just sort of skipped that part and just asked Him to do whatever He wants. Again, not necessarily a bad thing...but I’ll explain it a little more and hopefully you’ll follow.

Basically, I’ve been playing it safe and not risking putting my heart out there.

Thankfully, the Lord has been so faithful to open some beautiful doors for me and I have been extremely blessed to walk through them and I really do feel my heart was pure in asking Him to open doors as He wanted to. But, sadly, it has been a rare moment for me to say, "Jesus, I am asking and wanting and longing for _______." I think a big reason behind that is fear. Fear that I will long for something really hard and if it doesn't happen, that means that I must not be in a right place with the Lord-wrong. Let me explain...I think for a long time I have walked in the thought that if I am truly loving, knowing, and seeking Jesus, my wants and the things I ask for will somehow automatically line up with exactly what He wants for me and will always happen. So if I ask for something and it doesn't happen, it must have not been a good longing or desire- again, wrong. Now, obviously I know that isn't true- but I don't live and pray like I know that's not true.

Yes, if I am truly seeking and pursuing Jesus, what I want and desire will be things that will line up with Scripture; they will be good things, godly things, things that can be used for His kingdom even. But they may not always be what Jesus wants for me right then and there, or what is best (notice I didn’t say good, but “best”). But that doesn’t mean that I should just not ask for things and tell Him what I really want and desire.

A couple examples:

David. The man after God’s own heart. In Psalms he is extremely raw and real with God. He tells God he feels like He is hiding His face from him and ignoring him. He tells Him that his eyes are weary from tears (Ps. 6:6-7). He asks for God to “rain coals on the wicked (Ps. 11:6)” and to “cut off flattering lips (Ps. 12:3).” He asks that God would deliver him, tells Him he feels like God is hiding from Him. David was in such an intimate relationship with God that He shows such a freedom in asking and speaking with God in such a raw and real way.

Jesus. With the knowledge and understanding that He was about to face crucifixion, it says in Luke 22:44 that “being in agony, He prayed more earnestly; and His sweat became like great drops of blood falling to the ground.” He asked God to take away the cup if He was willing to remove him from the death he was about to face.

The key about the prayers of these two is what Jesus says right after He prays that the cup would be taken away; “nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done.” He laid his longing before his Father; he bared his heart and told him, “Remove this cup.” But trusted the Father to do what’s best.

David consistently says God is his hope, his salvation and his refuge. His “hope comes from the Lord” - his hope was not in the things he was asking for. He would say this after telling God all of the things he was feeling or wanting. He knew he could tell God what he wanted and desired and no matter the outcome he would be ok because his hope was in the Lord, not in the things he asked for. True freedom goes hand in hand with placing your hope in the Lord.

As I was reading and thinking about these examples it really hit me. I have put myself in a place where I had stopped I was missing out on the freedom that comes with knowing Jesus is better than anything. There is such freedom in the knowledge and understanding that Jesus is better- it allows us to ask, seek and knock, knowing that whatever the outcome, we still have what’s better- Him.

I’m praying this season will be full of asking God specifically for things. A season of being real, raw, and emotionally connected with Jesus about the desires and longings I have. A season of finding freedom in knowing that He is better and a heart that is willing to be bare in His presence because of that freedom.

More freedom, Jesus. More of You!

Passion 2010

2010-01-06T15:04:00.000-08:00

I just got back home after my 3rd wedding over the break. One of my really good friends from my church back home married his girl last night. It was such a sweet wedding and I was so honored to be asked to sing at their wedding. Here's a picture of me with the new Hardy family!

I tried to get a pretty good idea of how many hours I've spent in the car over the break...I believe it's some where around 45! A big chunk of that was a road trip to Atlanta with these fun friends.

We went to Atlanta, Georgia for the Passion 2010 conference. I had heard a little bit about it here and there over the past few years, but didn't really know what to expect. I left extremely encouraged about our generation and the things God is doing to move people closer to Him. With so many disheartening things going on in our generation and society today, I can't explain the overwhelming encouragement it was to see over 21000 college students from so many different denominations and walks of life, set aside those 4 days to come together in unity under the name of Jesus. I found myself looking around during worship getting so excited to the point of tears that that many people were singing Jesus is King- the scripture, "every knee shall bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord" kept ringing in my head. If this was just a glimpse and tiny part of that "every" I can't imagine what that day will be like.

A lot happened in those 4 days. I was talking with a friend that also went about what we learned and the ways Jesus challenged and encouraged us. I told her I feel like the Lord just really opened my eyes even more to the hurt around the world and even in our own cities. Louie Giglio spoke the first night about Lazarus- I have never thought about that passage the way he taught it. His overall point was that we are all a part of a larger story- God's story, and that no matter what He will be made famous and that when we die to ourselves and others see that, He is made more famous. This was the thread that held the whole conference together and was made so clear to me through out those few days.

A huge part of Passion is not only to minister to and help draw students closer to God, but to open their eyes to ways they can help make a difference for the Kingdom. They had an area set up called the "Go Center." There were several different ministries set up in really interactive ways to give you just a glimpse of what's going on in the world. One of the groups that was their was Living Water, which helps dig wells to bring clean drinking water to Africa. Part of their set up was having the students carry a 40 lb jug of water around an 1/8 of a mile. Let's just say I wanted to give up after about 30 seconds...then I found out that that 1/8 of a mile is only 1/30 of what African women have to travel on average to reach the nearest clean water! I cannot imagine having to do that.

I think the ministry that hit me the most was the Not For Sale booth. This group works with stopping sex trafficking across the globe. Here are a few pictures I took of their display...

Each one of those ribbons (and I couldn't even get all of them in the picture) represents 100,000 women and children trapped in trafficking in the world today- there are roughly 27 million currently enslaved. My heart was just aching for these women and children as I listened to first hand stories of women that were brought out of slavery and as I read the insane statistics they had all throughout their display. One of the goals of Passion was to raise $25,000 to set up a border outpost in Napal to help stop trafficking- we raised over $75,000 which is enough to fund not one, but 3 outposts!! Praise Jesus!

As I was walking around looking at all of these displays in the Go Center I was really wishing I had money to give to each of them. As I saw different areas of hurt in the world, I was so burdened for them. I began praying that I would always have a heart that would want to give in excess, rather than live in excess. I have a very blessed life and have honestly never really been in need. That is all because of Jesus and I am so grateful for a dad that has taught me that and loves to give. I got really excited about asking Jesus for opportunities to give in the future (when I actually have a job :) ) and not just financially, but just any way I can. Just after this my friend, Heather, gave to a cause that translates the Bible into different languages. When you give they give you a Bible verse to write on this giant tarp. I was holding it still so she could write on it and right in front of my face was this verse...

If you can't read it, it is 2 Corinthians 9:11: "Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God." How cool is that?!

Just a few more days and I'll be starting my last semester of college. I had some really sweet prayer time during my 5 hour drive from New Braunfels to Beaumont yesterday just asking Jesus to open doors and trusting Him for discernment on decisions that will be coming in my way in the next few months just as He has since I've known Him. Can't wait to be back in College Station!

Wedding Bells are Ringing

2009-12-21T19:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I have really enjoyed this season of seeing so many good friends getting married. It has been such a joy and encouragement to see such sweet pictures of how Jesus loves us in every wedding I've gone to or been a part of. This past weekend I got to stand by one of my best friends, Andrea. We have been friends for over 8 years. We played sports together, have gone on vacations together, sat through classes together and have so many other memories from over the years. She always knows how to make me laugh; we've had a lot of fun from elementary school all the way through college (she's an Aggie too). It has been so fun walking through so many different stages of life with her and so exciting to watch her walk down the aisle! She was absolutely beautiful. Her husband, Josh and I were in the same class from 8th grade through graduation- that's New Braunfels for you :) I love them both so much and can't imagine a better fit.

The weekend before, me and Andrea at the lingerie shower

Me with the bride to be at the rehearsal

The bridal party at the rehearsal dinner- you know, just being ourselves

Andrea with all her bridesmaids-me, Abbey, Jessie, Steph and Berlin

Caught the bouquet...along with Jessie

Mr. and Mrs. Josh Martinez

Me with the newlyweds

After Andrea's wedding I headed back to College Station to see my friends, Jen and Chester get married. It was such a fun wedding and I am so excited for the two of them. It's been so fun getting to know them over this past year and I am looking forward to spending more time iwth them as a married couple! She was beautiful!

Me and Aubrey at the wedding- the next one to get married :) Can't wait for her big day!

I can't believe Christmas is Friday! This semester has flown by. I mean seriously, I'm about to head into my last semester of school...ever. A lot has happened in the past few months- this semester has been filled with a lot of highs and a lot of lows. But more than anything I have been learning about the faithfulness of God as a Father- wanting what's best for his kids. Christmas is such a beautiful picture of that- wanting what's best, even to the point of sending His own son to save us.

Thank you, God, for loving and caring for us, for being a good dad, and for giving us joy and hope through salvation.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2009-12-02T08:31:00.000-08:00

I love our house at Christmas. My roomies and I may get a little too into it, but decorating for Christmas is definitely one of our favorite things to do together. I thought I'd share a few pictures of what we come home to everyday now :) I love Christmas!

Here's the wreath my mom got for our front door...and yes, that is a Christmas vest- my sweet find before last years Christmas party :)

Hanging the first ornament...please notice anna's hand

I love my roomies

Some of our living room decorations

Now, let's hope for some snow :)

In Your Presence

2009-11-09T14:50:00.000-08:00

Father I am waiting

I need to hear from You

To know that You're approving

of what I say and do

Cause nothing really satisfies

like when You speak my name

So tell me that You'll never leave

and everything will be okay

In Your presence, all fear is gone

in Your presence

In Your presence, is where I belong,

in Your presence

-Jason Upton, In Your Presence

Today I had some time to go the park and just sit- something I've been wanting to do for a while. I wish I had had more time, but hopefully some will open up later this week. This morning before class I listened to one of Ben Stuart's talks about James 1 and how we, as believers, are called to choose joy in the midst of trials. Being in a Christian school most of my life I have heard, studied and even taught this scripture several times. But today it really hit home for me as I listened to Ben explain what that looks like. It also made me look at how much joy I missed out on when I was sick. Obviously, those were not fun or happy times, but I could have been a lot more joyful in knowing that what I was going through was refining me and making me better in some way. I could have been a lot more joyful toward the nurses, my parents, friends etc who helped me get better, and there were times when I was able to show them gratitude. But I allowed my circumstances to rob me of satisfaction in Jesus on a lot of those days in the hospital. I started asking myself, what if this sickness never goes away- will you choose joy? That's a pretty tough question for me to think on and to answer. I am praying Jesus would graciously lead me there. I am also praying for continued healing so I may never have to answer that question :).

jkl

I was listening to Upton while I was sitting at the park and I've heard this song, In Your Presence, so many times. But today when he sang "nothing really satisfies like when you speak my name," that's exactly what I wanted my heart to look like. I want to feel completely satisfied when He says my name no matter what He is calling me to. He knows my name- how much more satisfaction could I want or need? I was able to journal about a lot of things today and just sit satisfied, knowing that He calls my name. Knowing this will help those seemingly joyless times feel like they can be joyful.

"I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."- Psalm 9:1&2

"Surreal but Nice"

2009-09-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

I have had a crazy past few weeks...well couple months since my last post! I knew I needed to update when my friend, Amanda, told me she needed something to read so I needed to get on it! To quote one of my favorite movies, Notting Hill, these last two months have been "surreal but nice." To keep this long post (I mean, it has been 2 months) interesting, there will be lots of pictures.

At the beginning of September, we shot a promo video for Masterpiece and Intimacy that we were going to show for the first time at the Christy Nockels concert and then send out to all the organizations and churches to advertise for our two events. The video looks amazing and we've had great response! Our video guy was awesome and did such an great job shooting and editing it.

Here it is!:

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We finished that up and then I headed for Atlanta with my friend and mentor, Donna Stuart. A church in Houston asked her and another couple (Matthew and Lizi Bailey) that lead worship there to record some of their songs for a cd for the church. I had some fun moments before I left that weekend of remembering how different I was when I first started college. I found a paper from a class I took freshman year and it basically described what my goals were in life career and throughout school- all have changed. I no longer want to be a buyer, I am not living in New York like I thought I would be, and I have not made a 4.0 :) And I am 100% peaceful with all of that. Thank you Jesus! It's fun to see how He has shown me my desires and where He wants me to walk in them for the time being.

Being in the studio was such a gift for me; I am so thankful Donna asked me to go. It was so amazing to see the whole process from start to finish. I left extremely encouraged in seeing how Christian artists love Jesus and love to worship Him through their gifts and talents. Everyday in the studio started with prayer and if there were frustrations with a song or anything we prayed. It wasn't about business...it was about Jesus and wanting others to draw near to Him through their music. And not going to lie...it gave me a little itch to do that someday. If Jesus opens that door for me one day I would gladly walk through it! I loved Atlanta and cannot wait to go back...which will be in January for Passion 2010!! It was such a fun city and I had such a great time being there. Here are a few pictures from the trip.

Donna getting ready to record guitar

I got to sing a little back-up on one of the songs!

The producer, Jason, showing me some different stuff on electric

Sweet Friend

Sitting in the studio listening to the track

After Atlanta it was time to turn 22 and get my Aggie ring!! Both happened, but not quite the way I had hoped. I ended up getting pretty sick on my birthday, and even worse on ring day. Long story short-I ended up having surgery to have my gallbladder taken out! My parents took such great care of me and my sweet mom stayed for a week helping out and cooking and cleaning- such a blessing. Definitely one of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time, but Jesus was so good and allowed me to heal pretty quickly after and I am feeling so much better now. I would love it if you would pray and believe with me that this will do it- no more sickness! Thank you to everyone who wrote cards, brought flowers, prayed and cared for me- it meant so much and truly encouraged me to know I am loved.

Then it was time to get things rolling with Intimacy '09. It was such a sweet night and I really believe Jesus used it to teach girls that He is better- no matter who you are or what you've done. Liza's story was one of the best pictures of redemption I have ever heard. She has a beautiful story and I believe that so many girls were touched and challenged by it. I definitely was. The night ran so smoothly and God worked all the little details out. He is entirely faithful and I am so grateful for the ways He has allowed me to serve the girls in this area. I couldn't ask for a better gift! These are just a few of my favorite pictures, taken by Lacy Dagerath, http://www.morethananimage.com/.

This week 2 very fun things happened, one far outweighing the other. The first was going to see the Season 5 So You Think You Can Dance tour. It was so fun and I had such a great night just spending time with my friends watching some amazing dancers! And after we met all the top 12, haha! But it was so fun. Here are a few pictures for proof :)

America's favorite dancer

Kayla, my favorite from season 5

And the other fun thing, that is obviously more exciting, is Kiva Victorie came! I am so excited for the Lee's having a new family member and looking forward to watching her grow up. It's been so fun getting to pray for her these last nine months and getting to hold her today was so exciting! She is absolutely beautiful!! Here are a few pictures and to see more check out Steph's blog.

Precious Kiva Victorie

Aubs and Kiva

Kiva's Mom :)

Clayton's turn

And in between all of this I have had tons of groups projects, tests, quizzes, running the marketing for Masterpiece, and keeping up with people! But things are finally starting to slow down and I am getting into more of a routine. I feel like so many big things have been crammed into a few weeks, but it's been so good learning and walking in the different things Jesus puts in front of me. I'm excited to see where He takes me next....hopefully it won't take me 2 more months to fill you in on that!

Intimacy 2009!!

2009-09-02T15:58:00.001-07:00

Well, in a little over a month, the 3rd annual Intimacy worship night will be happening! I am so excited. I have been working really hard on it the last few days (and over the past several months :) ). I really believe Jesus is going to do some sweet things during our time that night. I was just reading over Psalm 139 a little when I was making up the facebook page. It's the chapter I was reading when I got the idea for this event 3 years ago and it speaks so much to me everytime I read it. He knows when I sit and when I rise...blows my mind that He loves and cares for us that much. My heart's desire is that every girl will come just as they are and leave understanding God's love for them a little more...or a lot more :) I am so grateful for all the support, prayer, encouragement, and help I have received. I am constantly overwhelmed and grateful for the friends Jesus has put in my life that have loved me so well- this is a big part of why I love ministry- I've been ministered to so much.

So these next few days will be pretty busy. Advertising and promoting Intimacy, we're shooting a promo video for Intimacy and Masterpiece tomorrow, and last but definintely not least I'm going to Atlanta for 5 days! I'm heading out Sunday with my friend, Donna, and am so excited to get to see her record a couple songs for an EP. I am so grateful for this opportunity to see how the whole recording process works and really looking forward to just spending time with my friend. I'm thankful she asked me to come along; I have been so blessed through her ministry and music.

I will definitely be blogging about that trip when I get back. Until then, please be praying with me for Intimacy and for Masterpiece (which I'll blog about another day-way too long for now). Pray for girls to come, our speaker-Liza, Donna and the band as we prep for worship and all the other little details to run smoothly and most importantly for girls to see the reality of who Jesus Christ is. Jesus, please let your Spirit move and we give you total freedom

The Sunshine State

2009-08-21T18:28:00.000-07:00

We're back from Florida! It was such a great week to just sit and be with my family and not have a schedule or anything planned. It didn't seem like it was going to go so well on the first day when the tropical storm hit right after we pulled into our rental house! And the second day a tornado hit Beaumont, but thankfully didn't go near our house. Finally, Tuesday afternoon we were able to hit the beach. I'm not a huge ocean fan...not going to lie, it just kind of freaks me out a little and last year getting stung by a jellyfish didn't really help that out much. But I conquered my fear and got in the water...and thankfully there were no jellyfish this time! It's so hard not to see how creative of a God we serve when you're on the beach. It's insane the things He came up with! We snorkled, napped on the beach, rented a boat, shopped and ate great food.

I'd have to say the last night we were there was my favorite. We headed down to the bay and there are a bunch of shops and restaraunts kind of like a boardwalk. There was an air show going on when we were walking up and a choir singing on a stage that was set up in the middle of all the shops. They sang a bunch of patriotic songs to begin with and it was such a reminder of the rich heritage we have as Americans. Then they started singing songs about Jesus. It was awesome...so many people were gathered around listening to these people sing about our Savior. And the choir was mixed with all ages and the sweetest little old lady was on the front row of the choir on the right. She was singing her heart out and just rocking out to every song. You could see such a joy on her face. It made me really wonder what her story was. Had she been a believer most of her life? What kind of hardships had she gone through? What joys? I was so encouraged just watching her sing and praise Jesus...I pray I will be that joyful about Jesus the rest of my days and always singing praises to Him!

And just when we thought the night couldn't get better...it did. The MC introduced the next group of performers- the Highsteppers. It was a dancing group, but not just any dancing group. I didn't think I would fully be able to explain in words so I took a picture to capture the full effect. Please enjoy...

They did a fabulous rendition of All That Jazz. It definitely made the night more fun. I was litterally thinking "this is real, this is really happening...that is a bunch of elderly ladies...and one man...dancing to All That Jazz. This night could not get any better!" Oh but it did, we got to eat right on the bay and there was a fireworks show that was insane. They set off so many and it was such a great last night to a fun vacation!

Me and my sis at dinner.

Vacation was great and needed, but I'm ready to be back in College Station! I can't believe school is already starting back up in a week, but I'm kind of ready to get back into a normal schedule. Senior year...here it comes. I'm so excited to see what Jesus is going to do this year and expectant to learn more and grow so much. He's done so much the past few years of college and I am so grateful for all I have already learned. This year I just want more Jesus!

Big Beautiful Beaumont

2009-08-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

One of the nice things about my parents living in Beaumont is how close we are to the ocean...which means more fishing for me and my dad. I love to fish. It's definitely been one of my favorite things to do with my dad. A couple weekends ago my roomie, Anna, and I went to surprise my mom and my dad took us fishing on Saturday. It was probably one of the craziest days I'd had in a while. Let's just say there's nothing like 4 women on a boat trying to fish...my poor dad.

Here's a picture of Anna's catch!

Me and Anna on the boat before the "incident"

So the incident I was referring to...our boat's pretty big, but not big enough for 4 women to fish, especially when half of them don't know what they're doing. Background: this is the first time since I was probably 7 or 8 that I've seen my mother fish- she's not exactly the granola type :) My dad always wants her to go fishing with us and she finally did. Well, we were fishing and I accidently threw my line over my sisters. As we're reeling the lines in to make sure they don't get stuck, my mom decides to cast right in the middle of it! So both my sister and I tell her not to do anything, and that we would fix it...of course, she tries to get her rod and reel out of the way when suddenly there's a splash...yeah she dropped the rod and reel right in the water...deep, deep water to which it immediately sinks to the bottom. My mom starts laughing so hard as my sister and I just nod our heads in shock and try not to laugh knowing my dad won't be too happy. This whole time my dad's at the front of the boat not knowing any of this is happening. He turns around to see what she was laughing at and couldn't believe she dropped his best reel in the water...that's right, his $250 rod and reel...gone...forever. It was hilarious-not at the time- but definitely is now. Anna was very entertained that day.

But at the end of the trip he said she could drop as many of his rods and reels in the water if that means she'll go fishing with him. My sweet dad!

One of the other great things about living in Beaumont. Gigantic fire hydrants:

This one's for you, Jen...I bet they don't have any of these in Australia!

As beautiful as Beaumont is, I'm excited to say I'm going to be hanging out in Destin, Florida with my family for a week starting Sunday! So excited to rest, shop, eat and just hang out with my family.

Jesus is Better

2009-07-30T07:18:00.001-07:00

So I just realized I never did a follow up about Laity Lodge, the camp my friend, Bernie asked me to lead worship and speak at a couple weeks ago. I was definitely nervous going into it, but I think the Lord really used that night to get a hold of some of His girls. Thankfully, my sweet friend, Blaire, went with me- so I didn't have to drive over 4 hours by myself and I had someone to practice my talk with :) It was definitely the most beautiful camp I have ever been to (sorry TbarM) and the counselors I met were so generous and encouraging. We were set in a covered outdoor pavillion that had a river and huge canyon behind me- it was so beautiful. I love having worship in a setting like that, where you can so easily see God's creation as you're singing to Him.

So it definitely helped calm my nerves to lead worship and directed my focus where it needed to be- Jesus. I was amazed at how comfortable I felt as I started sharing my story and the talk I had prepared. I felt like I was where I needed to be. I talked about how we, especially as women, are created with this deep desire and need for affection, adoration and devotion and so often we try to find that in other things. This is a great God-given need, I believe, but it is one He wants to meet. I shared with them about longing for this and other things and asked them at the beginning to write down on a note card their deepest longing at this point in their life. I wanted them to be thinking about this as I was sharing and at the end I had them write down on a card "Jesus is better." I shared with them that Jesus is so much better than anything they could have written on that card- even the good things. Often times we have to wait for those good things, but Jesus is even better in the waiting. Then we had a time where they could come to these crosses that were set up behind me and lay down that first card that had their longing on it. I wanted them to have a tangible, physical reminder of laying down their longing before the Lord. I told them to hold on to the other card that said Jesus is better as a reminder of this night, and that He is better than anything we could want.

The response and worship at the end was so beautiful and it was so encouraging to see Jesus move. Girls were using the space behind me as an altar and really spending time thinking and praying about it before laying it down. Jesus was so, so good and I am so grateful He gave me that opportunity. And it was so great seeing my friend, Bernie in her element- she's such a great girls' director and I loved watching her do what she loves. Thank you, friends, for praying for me- Jesus answered!

I finally had my first 2 weekends in College Station all summer! It's been so nice not to have anything scheduled and I'm so glad my roomie, Anna's back! I feel like I've finally caught up on summer these past two weeks. And summer's not over yet!

I am Unnecessary

2009-07-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

So in this last month and couple weeks I've clocked in...ready for this?...at least 40 hours of driving time!!! Isn't that crazy!?! I've driven to New Braunfels, Beaumont, Dallas, San Antonio and back to College Station a few times. Needless to say I'm a little tired of my car and the road- something that I usually enjoy. But in all that driving I've ended up in places that I have loved- home to see my best friend get married, another friend marry, tons of family for 4th of July (almost caught a shark by the way!), floated the river, walked the Riverwalk, made lots of fun memories, hung out with old friends and made some new ones, and had some really sweet time of journaling, prayer and worship.

I am tired.

But, at the same time, I am refreshed.

I just got back from a worship conference in Dallas with some really fun friends. I felt like it was a pretty full 3 days, even though we kind of skipped out on some of the conference :) Thursday, the second day of the conference, was the best for me. That morning I dropped off the girls that came with us and headed to Barnes & Noble to read and journal for a while. It was so good and I hadn't journaled in a while so it was definitely needed. I was processing a lot that day, but it was so good looking back. I got to reflect a lot this week on what I do as a worshipper and "lead worshipper."

As I thought about it for a while and really thought about worship I wrote this: "I am merely someone who can help people come to worship Jesus- BUT I am not necessary, I am not essential to this. There are no gifts, skills, or words I have that can merit true worship for others. They can assist and help usher, but ultimately worship is about Jesus and a group or individual loving Him through their heart, soul, body and mind-all for the glory of Jesus. Worship is obedience poured out- sometimes and often times creatively through song, art, dance...etc."

So... I am unnecessary, but so grateful He still uses me and allows me to play and sing and worship with other believers.

Thursday night I was totally blessed by Jason Upton and the way he led. He started off by saying something like none of us are professionals at being in the presence of Jesus- we're all beginners. That pretty much knocked me over with conviction!

One of the verses stated and spoken about a lot was Psalm 33:1-5, "Shout for joy in the LORD, o you righteous! Praise befits the upright. Give thanks to the LORD with the lyre; make melody to Him with the harp of 10 strings! Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts. For the Word of the LORD is upright, and all His work is done in faithfulness. He loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of the steadfast love of the LORD."

I love the details in this verse. Sing a new song, play skillfully, with loud shouts. Why do we do all of these things, why do we worship? Because His Word is upright and because He is faithful. Isn't it funny how often we ask God to be faithful? That's like asking water to be wet. It's who He is and always will be-FAITHFUL. It's because of His abundance in His faithfulness that we can constantly be singing a new song.

So I am really glad I went to the conference. It was beautiful to see another group of believers loving Jesus. But I'm definitely glad to be back in College Station for a few days...that's right just a few. I'm headed to Laity Lodge camp in Leakey on Wednesday to lead a girls' worship night there. I would love it if you would pray for me as I prep for that. I'll actually be leading worship and speaking for a little bit. So a new challenge for me, I've never really spoken at anything before. But I'm excited to see how it goes and what Jesus wants to do with that time.

So here's to another few hours on the road :)

My Best Friend's Wedding...

2009-06-30T20:14:00.001-07:00

Presenting Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Henderson!!!

First Dance to the song Abbey's friend, Heather wrote for them

Me and the beautiful Bride

Heading Out

At the Bachelorette Party

Abbey and Her Dad

It was a wedding weekend for sure. It started Thursday night with a lingerie shower. Friday was the bridal luncheon and rehearsal. The luncheon was in the same place that Abbey's mom had hers 30 years ago. And Saturday we did pedicures and a cook-out at Abbey's house with the whole wedding party and some family. It was so good to just sit and spend time with Abbey on Saturday. I was helping her pack in her bedroom and started thinking about how many times we stayed up till like 4 in the morning in that room talking and praying for our future husbands. Jonathan is what we prayed for for Abbey and more. I totally lost it- I mean tears down my face lost it-just thinking about how God has been so faithful to Abbey in bringing her and Jonathan together and how faithful and good He has been in my friendship with Abbey. So I got to pray with her in her room one last time as Abbey Deetjen. Definitely one of my favorite moments from the weekend.

It was such a beautiful wedding and was so Jesus-centered. Abbey was so gorgeous and the ceremony was perfect! I couldn't be more excited for my friends. I have loved this past season of friendship with Abbey so much as she's been engaged and I am really looking forward to seeing her as Mrs. Henderson! And I'm really excited to see Jonathan be a husband. God's voice and direction has been so clear on their relationship and I can't wait to see how their marriage is going to be used to draw others nearer to Jesus.

Zack+Kelly=together forever

2009-06-09T23:35:00.001-07:00

Blaire, I'm not sure if this was in response to your last post about feeling like you're living in a modern day Saved by the Bell...

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Hopefully Jimmy can get all the cast in for the reunion- what a glorious day that will be. My inner nine year old will be really excited.

Life Light Up

2009-06-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness...You should probably get on iTunes right now and buy Christy Nockels new album, Life Light Up. It came out today and it's SO good! She is such a gifted worship leader and it doesn't hurt that her vocals are insane on this album. I've only been listening to it for a little bit and so far I've been totally blessed! Her music over the past several years has had a huge impact on my life and the way I lead worship. Here's a video of the title track, Life Light Up just to give you a little taste...

This summer is filled with lots of friends, weddings and fun...and a little class. Last weekend, I got to see my sweet friend Rachel get married! It was so fun being a bridesmaid and to be a part of their wedding. She was so beautiful and I am so excited to see how Jesus is going to use their marriage. Her and Ray (yes, Rachel and Ray...maybe they'll start their own cooking show) are so in love with the Lord and I know they will be such a beautiful example of Christ and the Church. I get so excited about weddings, I love the imagery of it and the picture it paints of the way Jesus loves us and wants us.

And it's less than a month until my best friend, Abbey, gets married!! I can't believe it's almost here. I couldn't be more happy for her and her fiance Jonathan, who has been one a really close friend since we were in 4th grade! They are so fun together and love each other so well. I can't wait! They just got their engagement pictures and they were so cute. Here's one of my favorites...

And last, but definitely not least, I am so excited that the new baby Lee is a girl!!! I'm so happy for Brian and Steph and Jada to have another girl in the familiy. Thank you Jesus, for your goodness and the gifts that you give. Can't wait to meet her!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-09T23:23:00.000-07:00

So today is Mother's day.

I love my mom.

She was always the mom that planned fun stuff for all of my friends and went all out.

She's the one that reminds me not to be so serious all the time.

She could make any house feel like a home.

She still flirts with my dad and holds his hand...they love each other :)

She is always up for a trip to New York.

She always makes my favorite dinners when I come home, complete with the best chocolate cake ever.

She stays up late and watches our tivo'd Project Runway and American Idol.

She is the only person I really, truly want with me when I'm shopping- for some reason I can't ever find as much stuff that I like without her there.

She is my biggest fan in everything I've ever done- sports (yes, I did sports all through middle and high school :) ), singing, playing guitar, women's ministry, school...

She's mentored and been mentored by several other ladies and that has impacted me in so many ways and has taught me the importance of learning from women who are a little farther down the road.

But one of the things I appreciate the most about my mother is that she is a woman of faith. She believes God for a lot, because He is a lot. She is one of the most faithful prayer warriors I know. I can't explain the blessing it is to know that my mom prays for me every morning, and not just that I'll have a good day, but that I will be a godly woman that loves God, wants and desires wisdom and that I will put Jesus first in all I do. I owe a lot of who I've turned out to be to the way my parents have loved and taught me since I was little. My mom is one of the first people in her family to truly follow Jesus , and she's been faithful, even when it's hard. There have been several times where doubt has come so easily to me in different areas of my life and no matter what it is, within two seconds of a conversation with her she is reminding me to pray and ask God to move.

Thank you, Mom, for teaching me that God is a faithful God. That He is a God who hears and listens to our prayers and knows the desires of our hearts. I Love you more than you know.

school's out for summer...almost

2009-05-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

1 Final Down, 4 to go...this feels like freshman year with so many finals. I am not a fan of school right now and definitely counting down the days until Wednesday...then Summer (the fact that I'm taking class during summer is beside the point)!!! I seriously can't believe school is almost out. I am less than a week away from being a senior in college. What?

College has really flown by! It's weird how these past three years have felt really long and really short at the same time. I had lunch with some of my closest friends Thursday and we were talking about how crazy it is that college goes by so fast. We've been friends since our freshman year, thanks to ASC. Jesus blessed me with so many really deep friendships through that organization, and I will always be grateful for my time there. We've all changed a lot in three years.It's been so sweet to see the different areas the Lord has grown us separately and together. I'm grateful my friendships have been consistent with these girls and that there has always been an openness and eagerness to share about what God's been doing in us and to encourage what we see in each other.

Last week I journaled a lot about the different things God has done this past year in my life and the pages seemed endless. It was really good to think and write about all that has happened since last spring. And I'm not done writing it out yet! That amazes me when I look at all He has done in my life and think about all the other believers there are in this world and know that God works in all of their lives. What a BIG God! He's taught me a lot this year and as I look forward to this summer, I am so excited to just keep learning a lot. I really just want to dig into scripture and study things I want to know more about- church, spiritual gifts, worship, prayer, just to name a few. This is going to be a very different summer without camp, but I'm excited to see how it turns out.

Summer is almost here!!!

What's in Your Closet?

2009-04-21T14:58:00.001-07:00

I've been working on this insane retailing group project since school started. It consisted of following a local retailer (we chose clothing boutique Closet Door), studying it's strengths and weaknesses and giving them recommendations on how they can better their store and grab more of the market's attention. This may not seem like a whole lot, but it was over two months of research, surveying young moms in the area, studying competitors, writing the project out which was over 100 pages, and finally presenting the material and our recommendations to our class. The project is actually part of the Stanley Marcus Retailing Competition and the whole point of the project is to get real world experience and then out of the twenty groups that presented, 6 groups are chosen to present their material in front of judges, which include executives from Neiman Marcus. Closet Door was a pretty fun retailer to work with. We had lots of opportunity for recommendations and I think our group did a great job presenting.

The top three get prizes from Neimans and our prof said it looks really good on our resumes. So after lots of hours, very little sleep, and missed out time with roommates, I'd like to share...my group made it to the finals!! It's crazy! I suddenly got really tired again when I found out we made it, but I am really excited. So we present on Tuesday and then it's over for real!

Intimate Redemption

2009-04-18T21:38:00.000-07:00

Redemption leads to Intimacy.

Jesus. Savior. Lord. Freedom. Life-Giver. REDEEMER.

I am excited to say that Redemption is the “theme” that's been laid on my heart for Intimacy '09. All semester this has been a theme I've seen in my own life and in several other's around me. Jesus is THE Redeemer of life in every way possible. I love that the girls that came last November got to hear about Freedom and how God is the God who forgives and brings freedom from sin and shame in our lives. He is far better than anything. I love that those same girls who experienced freedom for the first time in a long time that night are going to get to hear about how Jesus not only frees us from bondage in our life, but REDEEMS us from it. He not only takes burdens away, but He fills hearts that were once seeped in guilt and pain with a new hope and healing that can only be found in Him. The freedom we find in Jesus leads us to redemption and after we grasp even the slightest truth about redemption, how could we not long for intimacy with the God that pulls us out of darkness and into light? So many of us realize we are freed from sin, but haven't realized God keeps going- He redeems what we've lost and makes us new. I am REDEEMED!

I have been forgiven of sins according to God’s rich grace- not according to what I deserve or have earned- this grace has been lavished upon me- Ephesians 1:7&8

I am REDEEMED

While I was wallowing in sin and shame, I heard Him cry out, “Live!”- Ezekiel 16:6

I am REDEEMED

He covered me, entered into a covenant with me, and calls me His. – Ezekiel 16:8

I am REDEEMED

He has adopted me as His own. – Ephesians 1:5

I am REDEEMED

He has dressed me in the finest linens and adorned me with jewels. – Ezekiel 16: 10-12

I am REDEEMED

His thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand. – Psalm 139: 17

I am REDEEMED

He has given me a purpose in life. He has anointed me to share hope with the hurting and help bind up the broken hearted. – Isaiah 61:1

I am REDEEMED

He has uses my weakness to perfect His strength- 1 Corinthians 12:9

I am REDEEMED

Please pray with and for me as I start preparing for Intimacy. Over the next several weeks and months, I’ll be praying about the speaker, worship, location, and everything else from the date to the logo and ads. Pray I won’t lose sight as I prepare and organize and plan. Jesus is central- period. If I lose sight of Him then everything I do is meaningless. I love what I've learned the past two years as I've gotten to plan this event and I cannot wait to see what I will learn this year. I long for every girl that walks through those doors to walk out knowing Jesus in the deepest and most intimate places of their souls. I am really grateful for the opportunity to be a part of this and that Jesus has opened doors and led me through them. I have seen how involved God is in the lives of His children over the past couple years of putting this together and it is such a beautiful thing to see Him bring it all together.

My Redeemer loves intimately.

2009-04-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have totally slacked in my blogging over the past month or so...sorry to the two people that read this...just kidding, there's at least three :) I have been insanely busy with school, people and life in general. There have definitely been some down times, but God's also been gracious in giving a lot of life and relief in my days too. A lot has happened in the past month and I am so grateful that above anything else I can say I've grown to love my Jesus more through every moment, whether that was a quiet moment-sitting and praying and receiving, moments with my roomies or friends, or a crazy-trying to finish a 120 page project while have a billion other things on my mind-moment.

I love the Psalm I typed out in my previous post. I love that David believes that he will see God's goodness in the land of the living. That's totally where I'm at- in the midst of a crazy semester because of my God's sovereignty and the peace that He gives, I can claim that I will see God's goodness. Then David follows that by reminding himself (and us) to wait for the Lord, which requires strength and courage and being intentional in waiting on Him. God's timing is worth the wait. Isn't that so rich? God's timing has been perfect in everything, for all of time- so why wouldn't we find rest in Him?

Like I said, a lot has happened in this last month. I've been learning so much and it's been life-changing and life-giving. School's been really hard and busy, lots of projects and tests. I feel like it's never going to stop. I found out my mentor is pregnant- praise Jesus! I am so excited to see how good God is and I've learned a lot about His faithfulness to answer prayers and have seen His redemption at work in that. I've been growing more and more daily in my heart for college girls to know Jesus in really, really deep ways and have seen God honor and bless that. I miss Anna like crazy (she's home in less than two months!). Trying to figure out what this summer will look like without camp, which is also really hard for me. TbarM has been my last four summers; I will definitely miss it this summer. I've cried a lot more than I ever had this semester- which is actually an answered prayer (weird, I know) to asking God to make my heart more tender and soft. I've learned a lot about things I've put before Jesus. I've learned I'm way more of a people pleaser than I ever thought I was and Jesus definitely pointed that out this semester and I'm grateful to say He's forgiven me of that and changed my perspective. I've had to let go of a lot and embrace Jesus a lot more than I ever have. It's been hard sometimes, but Jesus has been so consistently good to me. I've realized how loved and blessed I am by the friends God has given me. I think friendships are one of the things I am most grateful for. I learn so much more about Jesus through the relationships I've had than a lot of other things. I've seen how faithful God is in answering prayers through a lot of conversations Rachel and I have had about the things we've been praying about and seeing God move. It's been really beautiful and so encouraging to know God hears so many prayers every second and is big enough to handle it all. That's insane and completely blows my mind. Really, how does He do it? I can barely remember what one person told me an hour ago :) I've had a lot of really great roommate time this semester too. It is so fun going home because of the roommates I have. I am so grateful for each of them. And lastly, I've been able to write a lot more music this last month which is really fun for me. It used to be so hard and now I can just sit down and play and words just kind of fly out of my mouth. And I've written some with my roommate, Lindsey, and she is a stud at the piano which makes it so fun having another instrument to play with at home. Needless to say, I've learned so much and am really grateful for college and how God's used so many different situations and circumstances in the past couple years to really stretch me and make me more like Him.

So here's to the rest of college! Jesus, continue to teach me more about you and how to love well and care deeply for others. I want to be totally open to your movement in my life and be ready to change whatever needs to be changed to look more like you. Take me through whatever, as long as the outcome is getting closer to you.

p.s. For some strange reason, I am reminded of You've Got Mail everytime I blog. I feel like Meg Ryan, writing to complete strangers and sending out thoughts into the "void." That plot seems a lot creepier after typing it out than when I'm watching it on-screen...haha, but it is one of my favorites. So, in the words of Meg, "good night, dear void."

2009-03-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

Psalm 27
The LORD Is My Light and My Salvation
Of David.

1The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

2When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh,my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall.

3 Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear;though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.

4 One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.
5For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble;he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.
6And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me,and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy;I will sing and make melody to the LORD.
7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me!

8You have said, "Seek my face.”
My heart says to you, "Your face, LORD, do I seek."
9 Hide not your face from me.Turn not your servant away in anger, O you who have been my help. Cast me not off; forsake me not, O God of my salvation!

10For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in.

11Teach me your way, O LORD, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies.

12 Give me not up to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses have risen against me, and they breathe out violence.

13I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!

14 Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

2009-03-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

This is the chair I got to pick out for my room in Beaumont...

I've never been so excited to sit...in Beaumont :)

Say Cheese!!!

2009-03-12T16:30:00.001-07:00

So a couple weeks ago my best friend, Abbey took some pictures of me that I can use when I do women's retreats/events and stuff like that. We had so much fun, minus how totally akward I feel taking pictures by myself (Blaire, you are a much better at that than I am). She did an awesome job so I thought I'd share some of the pictures, and because they're kind of fun...

On another note, we (Rachel and I) got to talk to Anna on skype together today...I love the inventor of skype, I mean I really want to give him a big hug or thank you note or something. It's so much better than email. It just felt like the three of us were sitting at our table talking to each other. It was so good to catch up and just see her face and pray for her. We miss you Anna!!

Spring break 2009 baby! Heading to New Braunfels and then big bad Beaumont for most of the week and finishing it off with my church's ladies retreat. It's going to be so fun and really great time getting to know more of the ladies in the church. And I'm leading worship! So I'm really, really excited to get that opportunity. I've really missed leading a lot lately, so I'm grateful the Lord opened a door for me to get to do that.

Happy Spring Break!

feels like home...

2009-02-28T16:05:00.000-08:00

“Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.” ~Frederick W. Robertson

Friday night I went to my mentor, Steph’s house to sit while her little girl was sleeping so her and her husband could go out. It was a really sweet time with Jesus for me as I sat there catching up on some reading and journaling. As I started journaling I was reminded of all that God has done in my life there in this past year and found myself really looking forward to Him continuing to move there.

A little background…Steph and her husband, Brian were my disciple now leaders my junior year of high school at my church in New Braunfels. We kept up the next few years through my high school graduation and heading to A&M. After joining ASC and seeing some of my close girlfriends that I respected a lot seeking out fellowship with wives and moms in the community, women that have been where we are now, I longed for that too and after praying about it emailed Steph and asked her to mentor me. So we started hanging out and just sharing life together- nothing routine or planned out, just walking together. I’m really grateful for the time we have together and all that I’ve learned by talking with Steph. And she’s way fun and makes me laugh :) I’m glad we’re friends.

So as I was journaling, I was just hit with such gratefulness for that home. I’m so grateful for the Lees and the hearts they have to minister to and love people. You know those houses you walk in and immediately feel welcome and comfortable?- that's the Lee's home. I’ve been taught, encouraged, challenged, stretched and loved so well in that home.

It’s a place that I’ve seen Jesus

move

heal

restore

and renew His people.

I’ve worshipped there

prayed there

confessed and been forgiven there

cried there

rejoiced there

I’ve found community there. (shout out to Aubrey...you're part of that :) )

I love that I can have a place in College Station that feels like home when I walk through the door. I love that our small group has a place to meet and share life, give life and bless life in Jesus every week.

As I thought about it a little more, I thought about how Jesus did a lot in the homes of His people in scripture (and continues to). A paralytic man carried and lowered by his friends was healed, Jesus hung out and ate with his disciples, the sick and the wounded, a young girl was healed, friends mourned the loss of a dear friend, and The Master washed his disciples’ feet. Jesus loved meeting in people’s homes and invested in the lives of people in them. Jesus laughed, talked, listened, prayed and ate in the homes of people that loved Him and some that didn’t even know who He was yet. How beautiful to see Jesus still moving in the homes of His people today and seeing and experiencing freedom to let the Spirit change hearts.

I pray my home will always be like the home I grew up in and the ones I get to hang out in now. Jesus, I want my home to always be open to you changing and challenging hearts. Let my home always be welcoming and loving to everyone who comes in and goes out. Let it be a place of open and honest communication of hurts, joys, hopes, and longings. Let it be a place where you will be worshipped and honored. Thank you, Jesus, for all the families that have opened their homes to me and others and have loved so freely. Thank you for the ways they've shown me how to make a house a home, not just to the people that live there but to everyone who spends time there.

“Home ought to be our clearinghouse, the place from which we go forth lessoned and disciplined, and ready for life.” ~Kathleen Norris

Ray-Ray's 21!!

2009-02-20T14:11:00.001-08:00

Well, yesterday was Rachel's birthday! We tried to make her feel really special all day and I think we succeeded. We got all of our friends to write her notes and tell her how much they love her and we put them all over our kitchen wall under a happy birthday banner...We were tempted to put up a sign that said "It is Your Birthday." (You'll get that if you're an office fan!) And Jess (one of my roomies) suggested we should blow up baloons, but since we didn't have any we could just blow up a trash bag and spray paint it...we opted out on that one. Rachel said she was so surprised when she opened her door and saw all the notes...she said she felt like all of her friends were there staring her in the face. Anna sent her a letter from Denmark so that was on the wall too, along with our top ten reasons of why we love our Rachel- including we love that we have a roommate that looks and sounds like Ariel, we love that she sometimes answers the phone "In Jesus name" on accident (long story), and that she likes to pretend that she is traveling through Scotland when she's really just driving to Houston. Then we made her a cake and Lindsey cooked dinner. All in all a fun day, despite her having to write a psychology paper.

Here's a couple pictures...

I love Rachel and am so blessed to live with her. She makes me laugh, encourages and prays for me and I love being able to call her my friend! And she looks like a Disney Princess...what more could you ask for? Love you Ray-Ray!

Grateful

2009-02-17T19:25:00.000-08:00

I'm in such a weird mood...I think mainly because I'm sickly this week. But I've been really tired lately- school's a little overwhelming...it's amazing how fun marketing is but at the same time it's a lot of work and group projects. When I get tired, I think a lot more. I think it's starting to hit me I only have two semesters left after this one. That is so weird. I remember all of my older friends telling me how fast college goes by, but this is just ridiculous.

I had a great time at Dnow last weekend. I had three tenth grade girls and I think Jesus did some really cool stuff with the weekend in them and in me. I feel like it was a really good refresher for me. I haven't taught in a long time, and it reminded me how much I enjoy it. It also helped deepen my hunger to spend more alone time with Jesus. It's been a while since I've had really good intentional quality time with Him, sadly.

These past few weeks have been busy, but so fun. I've gotten to go back home to New Braunfels for two weekends. The first time I went home for a friend's wedding shower and I got to spend most of the weekend with my best friend, Abbey, helping her with bridesmaid's dresses for her wedding in June. And this past weekend I got to see her again for a few hours on Friday and then went to Dnow. I feel like I've been pretty spoiled getting to see her so much in the past month. I'm really, really grateful for my time with her and the Lord's been reminding me how good He has been to me in blessing me with a friendship like hers.

Abbey was an answer to prayer; my prayers and my mom's. I didn't have a whole lot of great friends my age in middle school so going into high school didn't seem like it'd be that fun. So I started praying for a friendship like David and Jonathan had. I didn't realize my mom had been praying for a friend like that for me too. Then I started high school and Abbey transfered to my school. God was almost immediate in answering that prayer, and I've been blessed and encouraged to call her my closest friend these past 7 years or so. She is so unconditional and is able to correct me and encourage me so intentionally with love and tenderness. She makes me calm down during freak outs and helps me rationalize things...and she makes me laugh, I need that a lot, it helps me come back down to earth. I still tear up sometimes when I remember God's goodness in that friendship. This is one of those times. I think sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by how good God is when we are not so good. We are not even close to the goodness of Jesus. He is so GOOD. I think we use that word too much and lose the meaning. But He is GOOD.

Since then it's like God just keeps multiplying blessings of friendship. I feel like each year another friend or friends have come along and blessed me in huge ways. Through the rest of high school and then through TbarM, ASC and my church in College Station. College definitely wouldn't be the same without all of my sweet friends. I have had so many fun dinner nights, lunches, coffee dates, formals and random talks/hangouts these past few years. I have the best roommates a girl could ask for. What a joy to be able to look forward to going home and knowing it's a place where I can be myself and be prayed for, loved and challenged. And I cannot even begin to describe how grateful I am for my church. I have learned so much about Jesus through them. I am blessed beyond measure and so grateful for the body of Christ and that God didn't leave us lonely, but gave us community and accountability to be able to live and look more like Him.

Vision of You

2009-02-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

I love Disciple Now. There's just something really fun about hanging out all weekend with the girls in your grade and just talking about Jesus, junk food, clothes, hair and getting zero sleep. I always looked forward to it when I was in middle school and high school and was so excited to find out who my leader would be. Isn't it funny that I was in middle school over six years ago?...that's so weird to me. Anyways, now it's my turn to be a leader! I had the 8th grade girls last year and it was a blast!

This year, after my youth pastor back home asked me if I'd come again I said yes and started praying about what age girls I'd have. I really wanted high school, specifically 10th grade. No particular reason I just kind of had that age laid on my heart...and God's so good and let me have them! So next weekend I will be hanging out all weekend with some awesome 10th grade girls and I'm pretty sure I don't know any of them - which is also weird going back to my home church and seeing so many new faces. I'm really looking forward to what Jesus wants to do through the weekend and what I'll learn from these girls. 10th grade was my favorite year of high school and marks one of the biggest times of growth in my walk with the Lord. I learned a lot that year about letting go of pride and walking in gifts God had given me. A lot of walls were broken down in my heart that year. So I'm praying that this weekend would be used to do that in these girls' lives.

I think one of the other reasons I loved Disciple Now was I always had the best leaders. Some of the most impactful people in my life have been my dnow leaders. That's actually how I met Steph, one of my mentors who's loved me, prayed for me, held my hand, laughed with me and cried with me. Jesus did a really sweet thing when He placed Steph and her husband, Brian as my jr. year leaders. Now a few years later we're walking closely together and I've learned a lot through them, their lives, and through our community.

We're going through Ephesians all weekend! I'm pumped!! So please be praying with me for next weekend and the days up till then as I prepare and spend time with the Lord, praying through what to teach. Also, my youth pastor asked me to sing during the service on Sunday, so I'd love if you'd pray for that time as well. I've been praying a lot about what to sing and I think I'm going to do the Shanes' Vision of You. I love that he says "even though you're here, God come!" Isn't it good to know we don't have to ask God to show up? He's there, constant and faithful. Every time I sing or lead worship somewhere, I usually get a call from my mom before or after saying she's praying that God's manifested presence would be known. I feel like that's what this song is asking God for. I love it. Without Him, all we have are songs.
I'll leave you with the lyrics...

Come meet us, King Jesus

Oh wind of change blow through this temple

Sweet Spirit of God, come and mend our hearts

For all we have are songs, unless You come

Awaken what’s inside of me

Tune my heart to all You are in me

Even though You’re here, God come

And may the vision of You be the death of me

And even though you’ve given everything

Jesus come

Come free us, King Jesus

It’s the only way that freedom’s given

From You and You alone

In the work You’ve already done

For all we have are songs, unless You come

Here we are, Lord

In this place, crying out for Your embrace

To hear Your voice, more than songs

Please come, Jesus come

you can work the remote or read a book with total comfort!

2009-01-26T15:59:00.001-08:00

I don't know why...but I kind of want one of these. I would love the satisfaction of knowing I have the ability to stay warm while freely moving my arms and not feeling so confined. Thank you, snuggie inventor, thank you.

Blaire, you probably need one of these since you're probably really cold and can't read a book while covering up with a normal blanket. And if I call you, you're hands can easily access your phone- beautiful!

Move over Stretch Armstrong

2009-01-25T08:57:00.000-08:00

"I don't know if I've felt this small or this inadequate in a long time. I think I've been in such a proud place for a long time, I never left room to notice how small I am. I AM SMALL; I AM NOTHING in comparison to Jesus. It's like comparing a grain of sand to the entire ocean. That's how I feel right now in ministry and just in living as a follower of Jesus. God is SO BIG and SO VAST- how am I going to be a picture of Him and impact others to long to love Him in the depths of their souls."

This is one of my journal entries from this past week. God is doing some really sweet, but stretching things in me. I've been asking God to continually give me confirmation about being a part of women's ministry and what that will look like. No matter what job I end up having or where I end up, I will be a part of ministering to girls and women, but these last couple years I've strongly felt the Lord leading me to a place where ministering to girls could be a "job." I'm not sure where that will go or what it will look like, but I am so hopeful and believe Jesus to show and give me discernment as I continue to walk in faith in this area. I'm praying about some specific things and possibilities in ministry and when I would just sit down and think about them I just kept feeling so small. I couldn't help it, I am inadequate, completely. Half of me says run full speed ahead and go for it and the other half kind of freaked out and said run the opposite way! Thankfully I know the God who fills my inadequacy with His Spirit and provision.

I had the opportunity to lead worship at Intimacy in New Braunfels on Friday, so all week I was overwhelmed at the thought of leading these girls when I was feeling like this. I was definitely being stretched all week. On Wednesday night I got to share with my Comm. Group (church small group) what the Lord had been showing me and they all agreed it was a good place to be. They prayed for me, Steph, and Aubrey (who were both going to be a part of it), and I was really encouraged. Thursday I spent some time in the Psalm 22 and God was so good to provide what I needed to lean on…TRUTH. In verse 25 and 26 it says,

Psalm 22: 22-26

"I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation I will praise you; You who fear the Lord, praise Him! All you offspring of Jacob, glorify Him, and stand in awe of Him all you offspring of Israel! For He has not despised or abhorred the afliction of the afflicted, and He has not hidden His face from Him, but has heard, when He cried to Him. From You comes my praise in the great congregation; my vows I will perform before those who fear Him. The afflicted shall eat and be satisfied; those who seek Him shall praise the LORD! May your hearts live forever!”

So after reading that I closed out that journal entry with…

“I’ve felt super inadequate to lead these girls on Friday. It’s a good place to be- seeing how little and insignificant I am, but knowing God can, wants to, and is going to use me. God is BIG; God is EVERYTHING- PERIOD. No comparison. His name stirs praise in my soul and I pray the same for every lady on Friday night. That our hearts would be stirred, be moved and changed and that when we sing and think about Jesus and His name, praise would result.”

I am grateful it is the Holy Spirit and Jesus' salvation that brings about change in others- not me. But I am grateful for the times I get to be used in that process.

So, move over Stretch Armstrong…I’m feeling it too! I’m grateful God moves and stirs in us new things and that we aren’t always in the same position spiritually. We would get sore and hard if we were always hunched over. He lifts up our heads. He knows we need to be stretched and flexible to walk in faith because it’s not easy, it’s a workout!

"this is a once in a lifetime experience and i am going to share it with you..."

2009-01-08T20:49:00.000-08:00

"She reaches up,she brings it down. lt was the most powerful thing l've ever... seen."

If you've never seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days you probably won't get that...and you should see that movie because it's hilarious!

Oh Celine...yes my mom and I got to spend the evening with Celine Dion as she belted out all of our favorite ballads. I have to say, I thought I was over my Celine Dion phase several years ago but it may be stirred up once again...I, along with every other girl on the planet, was a huge fan of Celine growing up (come on, be honest, you loved My Heart Will Go On...and always will...) and my mom and I have always wanted to see her live. So she surprised me with tickets to see her in San Antonio last Christmas, thinking the concert was in January of '08 and then she realized the day before Christmas that the concert was actually in '09. So we counted down for a year!! But it was well worth the wait. She may not be my favorite style of music, but I think anyone who can hear has to appreciate the talent packed into that woman- and she is insanely talented. I would have to constantly remind myself I wasn't listening to a CD. She didn't hit a single bad note and seriously blew me away...and she made me feel better about the way I dance. If you've never seen her sweet moves you should youtube one of her performances.

My mom and I had such a great time...she always makes things fun. I'm grateful to have a mom that I enjoy hanging out with and that she enjoys her kids and invests so much in me and my sister. There was a really sweet moment for both of us when she leaned over and said something about how crazy it is that God gave her that voice, yet she is singing her whole life for nothing...so my mom prayed for her to know Jesus' salvation. I love my mom. I love that she prays and is so alert in Jesus, if that makes sense. That same thought hit me when I saw Sheryl Crow (yes, I am a Sheryl fan and that was also a great concert!). I left that concert and last night's having never been more grateful that I have a purpose behind every word I will ever sing...a Jesus that loves and saves; it was good to be reminded of that thought (and truth) again.

I can't imagine spending my whole life without Jesus behind and in it. I can't imagine never singing about anything greater than people and things. I'm grateful for the ways Jesus uses me, especially in leading worship. There is truly nothing like it- I can't really explain it and it may sound cheesy, but it just feels like home. I love singing to Him and about Him. It is beautiful to hear a room full of women loving Jesus with the voices He's created. I'm grateful to be involved in ministry in that way. A dear friend once told me to hold it loosely because God may direct differently as I keep walking, and things may not always work out like I picture it...that's some of the best advice I've ever gotten and taught me to hold loosely to it and be ready and willing for whatever God leads me to do, but to also appreciate the times I do get to lead and that we serve a God who chooses to use His creation to display His character.

Who knew a night with Celine would stir those things in me? I mean she is a pretty powerful singer :)

no pit is too deep...

2008-12-29T12:13:00.000-08:00

I was thinking on my way driving to New Braunfels from Beaumont yesterday. I know this may come as a shock, but yes I was thinking; thinking about life and what mine looks like- how am I pleasing Jesus? How am I hurting Him? What have I been learning lately? I mess up a lot- a lot. I think being home with my family makes me more aware of how much I live in my flesh because I'm so selfish. I don't know why it isn't more relevant to me anywhere else, but since I've been home I feel like the Lord's really been showing me that.

So as I continued to think ( I had a lot of time to think, four hour drive)...How crazy is it that we are constantly trading the King's robes for peasant clothes? We settle for less...anything other than Jesus is of no worth. So why do we, followers of Jesus, live like that...why do we settle for anything other than Jesus? If we've really been following and loving Jesus for more than five minutes, we know He is far better than anything else. Paul and Silas, stuck in prison, could have settled for depression, bitterness, or anger, but they chose Jesus. Peter and the apostles had been put in prison for teaching the gospel in the temple courts, set free by an angel, arrested again, flogged (beaten severely), and told not to preach anymore in Jesus' name, and they rejoiced because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name- they chose Jesus. David, after sleeping with Uriah's wife, (Uriah was in David's army, and one of David's Mighty Men- basically if David was on the other side of the battlefield and wanted a drink of water, Uriah would have risked his life to bring a glass of water to the King in the middle of a battle), finding out Bathsheba was pregnant with his child, killing Uriah, an innocent man, to cover his own sin, being rebuked by Nathan the prophet which led to his repentance and humility, mourning the death of his child, he chose Jesus- instead of choosing guilt and shame, utter depression, bitterness, and disgust at himself and his actions- he chose to walk in the forgiveness God gave him and not live engulfed in shame. The example of David teaches me a lot. I love that despite all that he had done, he was still a man after God's own heart. Corrie Ten Boom has a quote that I love- "No pit is too deep that God is not deeper still." In my life and in most of the people I've had the joy of having true, deep friendships with, this is one of the biggest struggles I've seen. Knowning that our mess ups are completely overshadowed by Jesus' righteousness and if we know Jesus, we have that righteousness in us. Jesus is, and always will be, far better than everything.

Isaiah 55:1-6
1 "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. 2 Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. 3 Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David. 4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples, a leader and commander of the peoples. 5 Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations that do not know you will hasten to you, because of the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, for he has endowed you with splendor." 6 Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near."

Ezekiel 16: 8-19
8 " 'Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine.
9 " 'I bathed [c] you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. 10 I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put leather sandals on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. 11 I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, 12 and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. 13 So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was fine flour, honey and olive oil. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. 14 And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD.
15 " 'But you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his. 16 You took some of your garments to make gaudy high places, where you carried on your prostitution. Such things should not happen, nor should they ever occur. 17 You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them. 18 And you took your embroidered clothes to put on them, and you offered my oil and incense before them. 19 Also the food I provided for you—the fine flour, olive oil and honey I gave you to eat—you offered as fragrant incense before them. That is what happened, declares the Sovereign LORD."

You Alone Can Satisfy

By: Ross King

I have bowed at the altar

Of the world and its lies

Now I long to return to You

You alone can satisfy

I have wasted affections

On the things You despise

Now I long to return to You

You alone can satisfy

My bread of life

You're my provider

You fill my soul with living water

Beneath Your wing

There is a shelter where I hide

You alone can satisfy

There's no fortune or pleasure

That this world can provide

They have failed and they always will

You alone can satisfy

You're the Treasure that I've found

You're the meaning of life

You're my deepest desires fulfilled

You alone can satisfy

kids say the darndest things...and exciting ministry news!!

2008-12-17T21:41:00.000-08:00

I love kids...At TbarM Day Camp in New Braunfels I've gotten to "work" at one of the best places around. I was a day camp coach my first 3 summers and leadership this past summer. I don't think there is a better way I could have spent my last 4 summers. Well, around finals time, the full time staff sends all the coaching and leadership staff a package with a t-shirt and the camp keepers from that summer. Camp keepers are funny things kids said during the summer to the coaches and we write it down at the end of every camp week. Here were some of my favorites...

After coloring a picture of a cat, coach Lindsey asked her camper, "Are you going to give that to your mom?." In a serious tone, the camper replied, "Uh, no! My mom is allergic to cats!"

"So you say heaven is going to be great but do you get a free iPhone and party for 100 days?"

To close their time of batter's box (Bible study), a camper prayed, "You like us, we like You...Amen."

After the coach had instructed her camper to remain in the bathhouse the camper asked, "Why can't I go wait outside?" The coach replied with, "Because the last time I let you wait outside you stuck a rock up your nose!" Giggling the camper replies, "Oh yeah!"

We are in the process of unpacking at our house in Beaumont still and we found some old pictures of me and my sister when we were little, which of course led to stories about us when we were little (and extremely cute of course), and I heard one I hadn't heard before...Apparently I had been watching the news (I'm guessing my dad was watching and I was just in the living room...it would be kind of odd to see a kid watching the news by herself) and some insane guy, Andrew Cunanan, who was a serial killler, was the big story that day.

Later that night I couldn't sleep so I went into my parents room and apparently scared them because my mom said that I had never been scared at night before...so she took me back to my room and put me back in bed. I told her I wanted someone to sleep with me to make me feel better and she told me Jesus was with me to which I replied, "Yeah, but I want someone I can see!" I'm not sure if my mom slept with me that night, but I made it through and Jesus was with me :)

Latest news: Intimacy is heading to New Braunfels!!! Some of my friends from home came to Intimacy in College Station this November and were really stirred and encouraged by it and felt led to do something like that in NB. They got a few other New Braunfels girls to meet up with them and brainstorm some ideas and set a date- January 23. My friend, and soon to be roomie, Lindsey, called and told me about it and I was SO excited to hear that Jesus used Intimacy to stir something up in my hometown. God didn't stop there...they asked me to lead worship and my mentor (who also spoke at Intimacy in College Station), Stephanie Lee, to speak! I said sign me up! And Steph, after praying about it for a few days, really felt a peace about being a part of it too. So it's going to look a lot like the one in College Station! Isn't that crazy! God is so good and continually amazes me in this area (and every other area) of my life. I can't wait to see the ways Jesus will move.

The Beginning...and the Middle

2008-12-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

So this whole blog thing is new to me and I make no guarantees that I will be frequent in writing, but I will do my best (I'm in Beaumont for most of the break, so I don't really have an excuse not to write until I'm back at school!). I've really enjoyed reading some friends' blogs lately and have gotten the "blog itch" so I had to start my own and try it out.

I'll start with the meaning of the title of my blog, "The Middle." Jill Phillips has become a new favorite of mine recently, although Brooke Fraser is still on the top of my 25 most played on itunes. She writes so naturally I feel like I'm having coffee with her listening to talk about what she is in the process of learning. In her song, "The Middle," I feel like she's describing what I feel like a lot of the time...

"Too young to act like there’s wisdom inside of my head and too old not to care if it’s there. The pendulum swings to each end, well defined, and I’m somewhere in the middle...It’s too late to back out of this race that we started, but it feels like the finish is light years ahead. So all I can ask is that You walk next to me, here, somewhere in the middle."

I do have to admit being I enjoy being in the middle...and I think I'll probably be in this spot for a good while (and later on, probably realize I wasn't even in the middle yet). I think the middle is where Jesus has taught me the most so far and is a spiritual soft spot for me- tender but part of the overall growth process. So I will blog as I find my way through the middle, holding on to Jesus and trusting Him to lead me in tender, sweet ways.