Ask, Seek, and Knock

Bare with me...I am still processing a lot of this and it is somewhat hard to articulate in writing, so be forgiving if some of it (or a majority) doesn't make sense :)

Luke 11: 9-10

"And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened."

This scripture has really been pressing on my heart lately. This past month, through different avenues -songs, friends, circumstances, Scripture- Jesus has really burdened and challenged me to start asking for doors to be open. I realized for the past several years, probably since I was in high school, asking for "doors to be open" has been part of my vocabulary as I pray, but the Lord is showing me more and more that I am rarely specific in my asking. I have almost always just prayed "open doors as you see fit." This may not be, and I believe is not a bad thing to pray. We should definitely want whatever doors God wants us to walk through to be opened.  We should hope and desire that the things we are asking for would be things He wants us asking for. I have often asked for Him to open doors in school or ministry, friendships and relationships and several other things, but where I am needing to grow is asking specifically. It’s like I almost just don’t address the fact that there are certain desires and ideas and dreams I have, even though He knows I do. I have just sort of skipped that part and just asked Him to do whatever He wants. Again, not necessarily a bad thing...but I’ll explain it a little more and hopefully you’ll follow.

Basically, I’ve been playing it safe and not risking putting my heart out there.

Thankfully, the Lord has been so faithful to open some beautiful doors for me and I have been extremely blessed to walk through them and I really do feel my heart was pure in asking Him to open doors as He wanted to.  But, sadly, it has been a rare moment for me to say, "Jesus, I am asking and wanting and longing for _______." I think a big reason behind that is fear. Fear that I will long for something really hard and if it doesn't happen, that means that I must not be in a right place with the Lord-wrong. Let me explain...I think for a long time I have walked in the thought that if I am truly loving, knowing, and seeking Jesus, my wants and the things I ask for will somehow automatically line up with exactly what He wants for me and will always happen. So if I ask for something and it doesn't happen, it must have not been a good longing or desire- again, wrong. Now, obviously I know that isn't true- but I don't live and pray like I know that's not true. 

Yes, if I am truly seeking and pursuing Jesus, what I want and desire will be things that will line up with Scripture; they will be good things, godly things, things that can be used for His kingdom even. But they may not always be what Jesus wants for me right then and there, or what is best (notice I didn’t say good, but “best”). But that doesn’t mean that I should just not ask for things and tell Him what I really want and desire. 

A couple examples: 

David. The man after God’s own heart. In Psalms he is extremely raw and real with God. He tells God he feels like He is hiding His face from him and ignoring him. He tells Him that his eyes are weary from tears (Ps. 6:6-7). He asks for God to “rain coals on the wicked (Ps. 11:6)” and to “cut off flattering lips (Ps. 12:3).” He asks that God would deliver him, tells Him he feels like God is hiding from Him. David was in such an intimate relationship with God that He shows such a freedom in asking and speaking with God in such a raw and real way.

Jesus. With the knowledge and understanding that He was about to face crucifixion, it says in Luke 22:44 that “being in agony, He prayed more earnestly; and His sweat became like great drops of blood falling to the ground.” He asked God to take away the cup if He was willing to remove him from the death he was about to face. 

The key about the prayers of these two is what Jesus says right after He prays that the cup would be taken away; “nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done.” He laid his longing before his Father; he bared his heart and told him, “Remove this cup.” But trusted the Father to do what’s best. 

David consistently says God is his hope, his salvation and his refuge. His “hope comes from the Lord” - his hope was not in the things he was asking for. He would say this after telling God all of the things he was feeling or wanting. He knew he could tell God what he wanted and desired and no matter the outcome he would be ok because his hope was in the Lord, not in the things he asked for. True freedom goes hand in hand with placing your hope in the Lord.

As I was reading and thinking about these examples it really hit me. I have put myself in a place where I had stopped  I was missing out on the freedom that comes with knowing Jesus is better than anything. There is such freedom in the knowledge and understanding that Jesus is better- it allows us to ask, seek and knock, knowing that whatever the outcome, we still have what’s better- Him.

I’m praying this season will be full of asking God specifically for things. A season of being real, raw, and emotionally connected with Jesus about the desires and longings I have. A season of finding freedom in knowing that He is better and a heart that is willing to be bare in His presence because of that freedom. 

More freedom, Jesus. More of You!

Passion 2010

I just got back home after my 3rd wedding over the break. One of my really good friends from my church back home married his girl last night. It was such a sweet wedding and I was so honored to be asked to sing at their wedding. Here's a picture of me with the new Hardy family!

I tried to get a pretty good idea of how many hours I've spent in the car over the break...I believe it's some where around 45! A big chunk of that was a road trip to Atlanta with these fun friends.

We went to Atlanta, Georgia for the Passion 2010 conference. I had heard a little bit about it here and there over the past few years, but didn't really know what to expect. I left extremely encouraged about our generation and the things God is doing to move people closer to Him. With so many disheartening things going on in our generation and society today, I can't explain the overwhelming encouragement it was to see over 21000 college students from so many different denominations and walks of life, set aside those 4 days to come together in unity under the name of Jesus. I found myself looking around during worship getting so excited to the point of tears that that many people were singing Jesus is King- the scripture, "every knee shall bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord" kept ringing in my head. If this was just a glimpse and tiny part of that "every" I can't imagine what that day will be like.

A lot happened in those 4 days. I was talking with a friend that also went about what we learned and the ways Jesus challenged and encouraged us. I told her I feel like the Lord just really opened my eyes even more to the hurt around the world and even in our own cities. Louie Giglio spoke the first night about Lazarus- I have never thought about that passage the way he taught it. His overall point was that we are all a part of a larger story- God's story, and that no matter what He will be made famous and that when we die to ourselves and others see that, He is made more famous. This was the thread that held the whole conference together and was made so clear to me through out those few days.

A huge part of Passion is not only to minister to and help draw students closer to God, but to open their eyes to ways they can help make a difference for the Kingdom. They had an area set up called the "Go Center." There were several different ministries set up in really interactive ways to give you just a glimpse of what's going on in the world. One of the groups that was their was Living Water, which helps dig wells to bring clean drinking water to Africa. Part of their set up was having the students carry a 40 lb jug of water around an 1/8 of a mile. Let's just say I wanted to give up after about 30 seconds...then I found out that that 1/8 of a mile is only 1/30 of what African women have to travel on average to reach the nearest clean water! I cannot imagine having to do that.

I think the ministry that hit me the most was the Not For Sale booth. This group works with stopping sex trafficking across the globe. Here are a few pictures I took of their display...

Each one of those ribbons (and I couldn't even get all of them in the picture) represents 100,000 women and children trapped in trafficking in the world today- there are roughly 27 million currently enslaved. My heart was just aching for these women and children as I listened to first hand stories of women that were brought out of slavery and as I read the insane statistics they had all throughout their display. One of the goals of Passion was to raise $25,000 to set up a border outpost in Napal to help stop trafficking- we raised over $75,000 which is enough to fund not one, but 3 outposts!! Praise Jesus!

As I was walking around looking at all of these displays in the Go Center I was really wishing I had money to give to each of them. As I saw different areas of hurt in the world, I was so burdened for them. I began praying that I would always have a heart that would want to give in excess, rather than live in excess. I have a very blessed life and have honestly never really been in need. That is all because of Jesus and I am so grateful for a dad that has taught me that and loves to give. I got really excited about asking Jesus for opportunities to give in the future (when I actually have a job :) ) and not just financially, but just any way I can. Just after this my friend, Heather, gave to a cause that translates the Bible into different languages. When you give they give you a Bible verse to write on this giant tarp. I was holding it still so she could write on it and right in front of my face was this verse...

If you can't read it, it is 2 Corinthians 9:11: "Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God." How cool is that?!

Just a few more days and I'll be starting my last semester of college. I had some really sweet prayer time during my 5 hour drive from New Braunfels to Beaumont yesterday just asking Jesus to open doors and trusting Him for discernment on decisions that will be coming in my way in the next few months just as He has since I've known Him. Can't wait to be back in College Station!

Wedding Bells are Ringing

Well, I have really enjoyed this season of seeing so many good friends getting married. It has been such a joy and encouragement to see such sweet pictures of how Jesus loves us in every wedding I've gone to or been a part of. This past weekend I got to stand by one of my best friends, Andrea. We have been friends for over 8 years. We played sports together, have gone on vacations together, sat through classes together and have so many other memories from over the years. She always knows how to make me laugh; we've had a lot of fun from elementary school all the way through college (she's an Aggie too). It has been so fun walking through so many different stages of life with her and so exciting to watch her walk down the aisle! She was absolutely beautiful. Her husband, Josh and I were in the same class from 8th grade through graduation- that's New Braunfels for you :) I love them both so much and can't imagine a better fit.

The weekend before, me and Andrea at the lingerie shower

Me with the bride to be at the rehearsal

The bridal party at the rehearsal dinner- you know, just being ourselves

Andrea with all her bridesmaids-me, Abbey, Jessie, Steph and Berlin

Caught the bouquet...along with Jessie

Mr. and Mrs. Josh Martinez

Me with the newlyweds

After Andrea's wedding I headed back to College Station to see my friends, Jen and Chester get married. It was such a fun wedding and I am so excited for the two of them. It's been so fun getting to know them over this past year and I am looking forward to spending more time iwth them as a married couple! She was beautiful!

Me and Aubrey at the wedding- the next one to get married :) Can't wait for her big day!

I can't believe Christmas is Friday! This semester has flown by. I mean seriously, I'm about to head into my last semester of school...ever. A lot has happened in the past few months- this semester has been filled with a lot of highs and a lot of lows. But more than anything I have been learning about the faithfulness of God as a Father- wanting what's best for his kids. Christmas is such a beautiful picture of that- wanting what's best, even to the point of sending His own son to save us.

Thank you, God, for loving and caring for us, for being a good dad, and for giving us joy and hope through salvation.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

I love our house at Christmas. My roomies and I may get a little too into it, but decorating for Christmas is definitely one of our favorite things to do together. I thought I'd share a few pictures of what we come home to everyday now :) I love Christmas!

Here's the wreath my mom got for our front door...and yes, that is a Christmas vest- my sweet find before last years Christmas party :)

Hanging the first ornament...please notice anna's hand

I love my roomies

Some of our living room decorations

Now, let's hope for some snow :)

In Your Presence

Father I am waiting

I need to hear from You

To know that You're approving

of what I say and do

Cause nothing really satisfies

like when You speak my name

So tell me that You'll never leave

and everything will be okay

In Your presence, all fear is gone

in Your presence

In Your presence, is where I belong,

in Your presence

-Jason Upton, In Your Presence

Today I had some time to go the park and just sit- something I've been wanting to do for a while. I wish I had had more time, but hopefully some will open up later this week. This morning before class I listened to one of Ben Stuart's talks about James 1 and how we, as believers, are called to choose joy in the midst of trials. Being in a Christian school most of my life I have heard, studied and even taught this scripture several times. But today it really hit home for me as I listened to Ben explain what that looks like. It also made me look at how much joy I missed out on when I was sick. Obviously, those were not fun or happy times, but I could have been a lot more joyful in knowing that what I was going through was refining me and making me better in some way. I could have been a lot more joyful toward the nurses, my parents, friends etc who helped me get better, and there were times when I was able to show them gratitude. But I allowed my circumstances to rob me of satisfaction in Jesus on a lot of those days in the hospital. I started asking myself, what if this sickness never goes away- will you choose joy? That's a pretty tough question for me to think on and to answer. I am praying Jesus would graciously lead me there. I am also praying for continued healing so I may never have to answer that question :).

jkl

I was listening to Upton while I was sitting at the park and I've heard this song, In Your Presence, so many times. But today when he sang "nothing really satisfies like when you speak my name," that's exactly what I wanted my heart to look like. I want to feel completely satisfied when He says my name no matter what He is calling me to. He knows my name- how much more satisfaction could I want or need? I was able to journal about a lot of things today and just sit satisfied, knowing that He calls my name. Knowing this will help those seemingly joyless times feel like they can be joyful.

"I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."- Psalm 9:1&2

"Surreal but Nice"

I have had a crazy past few weeks...well couple months since my last post! I knew I needed to update when my friend, Amanda, told me she needed something to read so I needed to get on it! To quote one of my favorite movies, Notting Hill, these last two months have been "surreal but nice." To keep this long post (I mean, it has been 2 months) interesting, there will be lots of pictures.

At the beginning of September, we shot a promo video for Masterpiece and Intimacy that we were going to show for the first time at the Christy Nockels concert and then send out to all the organizations and churches to advertise for our two events. The video looks amazing and we've had great response! Our video guy was awesome and did such an great job shooting and editing it.

Here it is!:

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We finished that up and then I headed for Atlanta with my friend and mentor, Donna Stuart. A church in Houston asked her and another couple (Matthew and Lizi Bailey) that lead worship there to record some of their songs for a cd for the church. I had some fun moments before I left that weekend of remembering how different I was when I first started college. I found a paper from a class I took freshman year and it basically described what my goals were in life career and throughout school- all have changed. I no longer want to be a buyer, I am not living in New York like I thought I would be, and I have not made a 4.0 :) And I am 100% peaceful with all of that. Thank you Jesus! It's fun to see how He has shown me my desires and where He wants me to walk in them for the time being.

Being in the studio was such a gift for me; I am so thankful Donna asked me to go. It was so amazing to see the whole process from start to finish. I left extremely encouraged in seeing how Christian artists love Jesus and love to worship Him through their gifts and talents. Everyday in the studio started with prayer and if there were frustrations with a song or anything we prayed. It wasn't about business...it was about Jesus and wanting others to draw near to Him through their music. And not going to lie...it gave me a little itch to do that someday. If Jesus opens that door for me one day I would gladly walk through it! I loved Atlanta and cannot wait to go back...which will be in January for Passion 2010!! It was such a fun city and I had such a great time being there. Here are a few pictures from the trip.

Donna getting ready to record guitar

I got to sing a little back-up on one of the songs!

The producer, Jason, showing me some different stuff on electric

Sweet Friend

Sitting in the studio listening to the track

After Atlanta it was time to turn 22 and get my Aggie ring!! Both happened, but not quite the way I had hoped. I ended up getting pretty sick on my birthday, and even worse on ring day. Long story short-I ended up having surgery to have my gallbladder taken out! My parents took such great care of me and my sweet mom stayed for a week helping out and cooking and cleaning- such a blessing. Definitely one of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time, but Jesus was so good and allowed me to heal pretty quickly after and I am feeling so much better now. I would love it if you would pray and believe with me that this will do it- no more sickness! Thank you to everyone who wrote cards, brought flowers, prayed and cared for me- it meant so much and truly encouraged me to know I am loved.


Then it was time to get things rolling with Intimacy '09. It was such a sweet night and I really believe Jesus used it to teach girls that He is better- no matter who you are or what you've done. Liza's story was one of the best pictures of redemption I have ever heard. She has a beautiful story and I believe that so many girls were touched and challenged by it. I definitely was. The night ran so smoothly and God worked all the little details out. He is entirely faithful and I am so grateful for the ways He has allowed me to serve the girls in this area. I couldn't ask for a better gift! These are just a few of my favorite pictures, taken by Lacy Dagerath, http://www.morethananimage.com/.

This week 2 very fun things happened, one far outweighing the other. The first was going to see the Season 5 So You Think You Can Dance tour. It was so fun and I had such a great night just spending time with my friends watching some amazing dancers! And after we met all the top 12, haha! But it was so fun. Here are a few pictures for proof :)

America's favorite dancer

Kayla, my favorite from season 5

And the other fun thing, that is obviously more exciting, is Kiva Victorie came! I am so excited for the Lee's having a new family member and looking forward to watching her grow up. It's been so fun getting to pray for her these last nine months and getting to hold her today was so exciting! She is absolutely beautiful!! Here are a few pictures and to see more check out Steph's blog.

Precious Kiva Victorie

Aubs and Kiva

Kiva's Mom :)

Clayton's turn

And in between all of this I have had tons of groups projects, tests, quizzes, running the marketing for Masterpiece, and keeping up with people! But things are finally starting to slow down and I am getting into more of a routine. I feel like so many big things have been crammed into a few weeks, but it's been so good learning and walking in the different things Jesus puts in front of me. I'm excited to see where He takes me next....hopefully it won't take me 2 more months to fill you in on that!

Intimacy 2009!!

Well, in a little over a month, the 3rd annual Intimacy worship night will be happening! I am so excited. I have been working really hard on it the last few days (and over the past several months :) ). I really believe Jesus is going to do some sweet things during our time that night. I was just reading over Psalm 139 a little when I was making up the facebook page. It's the chapter I was reading when I got the idea for this event 3 years ago and it speaks so much to me everytime I read it. He knows when I sit and when I rise...blows my mind that He loves and cares for us that much. My heart's desire is that every girl will come just as they are and leave understanding God's love for them a little more...or a lot more :) I am so grateful for all the support, prayer, encouragement, and help I have received. I am constantly overwhelmed and grateful for the friends Jesus has put in my life that have loved me so well- this is a big part of why I love ministry- I've been ministered to so much.


So these next few days will be pretty busy. Advertising and promoting Intimacy, we're shooting a promo video for Intimacy and Masterpiece tomorrow, and last but definintely not least I'm going to Atlanta for 5 days! I'm heading out Sunday with my friend, Donna, and am so excited to get to see her record a couple songs for an EP. I am so grateful for this opportunity to see how the whole recording process works and really looking forward to just spending time with my friend. I'm thankful she asked me to come along; I have been so blessed through her ministry and music.


I will definitely be blogging about that trip when I get back. Until then, please be praying with me for Intimacy and for Masterpiece (which I'll blog about another day-way too long for now). Pray for girls to come, our speaker-Liza, Donna and the band as we prep for worship and all the other little details to run smoothly and most importantly for girls to see the reality of who Jesus Christ is. Jesus, please let your Spirit move and we give you total freedom