Extravagant Love

I hope everyone had a really fun and life-giving Christmas. I can't believe there are only a few days left of 2012! A lot has happened this year and I'm even more hopeful looking ahead, knowing that Jesus has proven Himself both faithful and good over and over again. I'm hoping to blog some more over the next few weeks (famous last words) about different things I've been learning from the Scriptures recently but haven't had time to write them all out yet. So, seeing as how my blog pages have been empty since April, I thought I'd share one I wrote for work a couple days ago (have I mentioned how much I love my job and that this is part of my "work?")...

(Read Luke 7 for context of this blog)

“Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven-for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” – Luke 7:44-47

I remember hearing a sermon one time where the pastor was giving an example of love. He was talking about when he first met his wife in college he spent his whole paycheck on buying her things she didn’t even need. He was so overwhelmed with love for this girl that it led to action…and an empty pocket. But that didn’t matter to him; what mattered was getting to show affection to the one he loved. He went on to say, “if someone is cheap with you, be sure you got a problem!” We can laugh at this, as his congregation did, but we also need to ask ourselves, “Are we cheap when it comes to loving Jesus? Are we so consumed with loving Jesus that it overflows into our actions?” In Luke 7, we see a beautiful picture of overwhelming love moved to action.

Jesus enters the house of Simon for a meal. Simon, a Pharisee, was a man who knew all the rules and followed every one of them. He was a man that had his religion in order and was known for it. Pharisees were the most prominent of all the Jewish leaders of that day and made sure everyone around them knew that.  

Who better than Simon, a Pharisee, to host Jesus?

As Jesus and Simon sit at the table a woman enters. This woman was a woman of the city, a woman not known for her adherence to the Jewish law but the breaking of it. She was a woman who was walking in sin and everyone in the community made sure she knew that.

Surely, she was one of the last people expected to recognize who the Son of God is.

This woman hears the news that Jesus is at the house of Simon. In courage and faith, she goes, carrying something so precious to her - her alabaster jar of ointment. Suddenly she finds herself standing, sinful, dirty, in the presence of the sinless, perfect one, Jesus. Overcome by the presence of God in this man and filled with gratitude for the kindness in His eyes, she does something unexpected to those in the room. She falls at Jesus’ feet, weeping, wiping away her tears with her hair. This woman of the city begins to kiss His feet with lips once used to kiss and whisper in the shadows of darkness. This broken woman takes in her hands the alabaster jar and breaks it, pouring the ointment over the feet of Jesus. The very same hands stained with sin, wrong choices, and the hurt and pain from what is now her identity- those hands break open this bottle to anoint the only One that can wash her hands clean.

For a moment it is as if there is no one else in the room.

But there is, and they are shocked and disgusted. How could Jesus let this woman touch Him? Jesus, looking at her, begins to speak, not to her, but to his host. “Simon, I have something to say to you.” He goes on to tell a story of two debtors, one whose debt was greater than the other.  They were unable to pay their debt, but in an extreme act of mercy and grace the one they owed stepped in and paid their debt. Who would be more grateful? Of course the one who’s debt was greater.

Jesus points out that He is standing in front of two debtors. One at His feet worshipping out of a heart devastated with gratitude for what He is going to cover; her insurmountable debt was handled. The other completely missing that his debt would be covered not by his law-keeping goodness but by the blood of the man in front of him. He was not caught up in gratitude, but disgust that Jesus would let a sinner sit at His feet. If only he realized he needed to be sitting at Jesus’ feet.

The very Son of God came into the religious man’s home. Simon, a man so morally disciplined, who denied many worldly pleasures for his piety missed it. He missed Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us, in his own living room. The one found worshipping Jesus wasn’t the man that looked clean on the outside, but a known sinner, a woman who knew her desperate need for a Savior.

Have we missed it? Have we missed Jesus in our every day? Have we missed the work He is doing in our life because we are distracted by something or someone else? Have we forgotten our own desperate need for our Savior? Let us be like this woman who knew she was a sinner that needed a Rescuer. Let us be so overcome with gratitude that He has paid what we could not. Let there be many moments when it seems that no one else is in the room because we are so consumed with worshipping Jesus, our Rescuer.

How do we know if we’ve missed it? A good question to ask is do you love and extravagantly? When we truly start understanding God’s love for us and live in the reality of it, the result is love. Love for God, the things of God and His people.

Love is extravagant. Love doesn’t take into consideration what others will think. Love is sacrificial. Love grows as it receives love. Love deepens as the understanding of the one it loves deepens.

The love displayed in Luke 7 is this kind of love. This woman displayed an extravagant love. Why? Because she knew that Jesus loves and forgives extravagantly. She was forgiven and loved with His love.

So are you.

By Faith

Faith.

Our world defines this word as allegiance to duty or a person; fidelity to one’s promise; belief and trust in and loyalty to God; a firm belief in something for which there is no proof; complete trust; something that is believed especially with strong conviction (Webster’s).

Faith.

Our Bible defines it as the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. It is the way we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible (Hebrews 11).

By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain and was commended as righteous.

By faith Enoch walked with God for over 300 years and was taken up to never see death.

By faith Noah built an ark and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.

By faith Abraham obeyed God’s call to go, even when he didn’t know where it was he was going. He started taking a walk of obedience not knowing anything but the promise that God would honor him and give him descendents that would outnumber the stars.

By faith Sarah was able to conceive and give birth in old age, being an instrument to honor the promise God made to her husband.

By faith

By faith

By faith

By the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen…

I’ve been thinking a lot about faith recently…is it obvious? It seems as though the writer of Hebrews did a great deal of thinking about it too.

Why?

Wisdom and knowledge are like roots. Roots of a tree that bears the fruit of an obedient, faithful life surrendered to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Faith is the water...essential for growth. Faith waters the wisdom and knowledge He has rooted in us through His Word and by His Spirit in us. Without water, the roots cannot grow above surface level to give off life. You water something with the promise of growth, fruit and life being the result. Without faith, we could have all the knowledge and wisdom in the world and not give off one bit of life. We apply faith to the wisdom and knowledge we have with the promise that our life will then bear fruit that is evident of the Spirit within us. Faith is the very thing that first brings us to Jesus, and then helps us to daily place our lives in Jesus’ hands. I’ve learned over time His hands are the best hands my life can be in, far better than my own. But even knowing this, faith is still required to live like that.

Faith and obedience walk hand in hand. We are often called to obey even when it doesn’t make sense or we can’t see or picture the outcome.  The examples in Hebrews paint the picture that faith is a precursor to obedience as well as the aid to keep us walking in obedience. It didn’t just take faith for Abraham to start walking, but to keep walking. It didn’t just take faith for Noah to start building, but to keep building. There have been many moments in my life when I’ve been faithful to step out in faith, but I often let other things carry me through (or attempt to carry me through would be a more accurate description) only resulting in tears because of the pain of sitting under a weight I wasn't meant to carry.

Most often it’s my mind that gets in the way. I love to learn. I love to study and read. I love to listen to teachings. I love resolve and answers. I don’t like loose ends, even when I know Jesus is holding all of those ends and will tie them when the timing is right. It’s one of my greatest strengths, and one of my greatest weaknesses. I think hard. I wonder if Abraham and Noah were like that. If they were, I can only imagine faith was the thing they went back to over and over to keep walking in obedience of the callings God had given them because there was no way they could have found resolve or answers. The things God was calling them to were impossible and incomprehensible to the human mind. Abraham and Sarah were far past childbearing years. The earth had never been flooded. If they could believe God’s promises for that, surely I can believe Him for the things He’s calling me to.

Their faith was rooted in knowing God’s character. They knew Him to be faithful and true; true to His promises and provision. They knew Him to be good. They knew Him to do what was best for His people. They knew God honored right and obedient hearts. Faith in all of these things carried them through to obedience and ultimately being honored for that obedience. I want to live like that. I want to live my life by faith, even when my mind can’t comprehend the outcome of what God is calling me to start walking in. If I can see or picture the outcome, faith isn’t required. But I want to live a life like the saints in Hebrews. A life marked by radical faith and obedience.

Usually I look more like Peter in Matthew 14.

And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped Him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

I’ve read this story many times but a few days ago I was spending time with the Lord and He brought this passage to mind. It was as if I was standing in front of a painting He had shown me 100 times, but this time He took a magnifying glass, pointing out details I had overlooked. I appreciate the painting so much more now.

I was praying and telling Him how so many times, especially lately, I have felt like a little baby, utterly dependent on Him alone. There have been several moments that I’ve felt like I’m in the middle of a storm, only to remember He wants me to strap myself to Him and let Him carry me through. The bummer is that I still feel all elements of the storm, but peace comes in knowing He is bigger and ultimately in control of every wave, every raindrop and every roll of thunder and gush of wind. In a moment He can say, “Peace, be still!” and they all will bow to His word. That is enough. Enough to build up my faith and help me lean into Him to feel His steady heartbeat.

I started thinking about it and asking what He wanted to teach me through these details He was showing. It was one of the sweetest times I’ve had just sitting and letting the Lord speak to me. I began writing out different things He was showing me. I’m thankful for a God that speaks clearly through His word and directs our hearts by His spirit much like a rudder steers a large ship.

Isn’t it interesting that the disciples’ first reaction to Jesus was terror? Oh my goodness, there have been far too many times to count when the Lord has called me to something and my first reaction is sheer terror, or as The Message puts it scared of my wits (But who says “wits” any more? Not me :) )!  “You want me to do what? That’s too crazy, it can’t be you! What will the people around me think? How in the world could that ever happen?” I’m sure there were moments of terror and fear for Noah…everyone around him thought he was a mad man. Imagine someone your grandparent’s age that has never had children telling you that God was going to give them a son and descendents that would outnumber the stars…cra-zy.

Faith is more powerful than terror and fear when we really let our hearts bow to what God is asking of us. Faith is a gift; given to help us plow through the fear/terror of what God calls us to. Can you imagine the initial terror Mary had when she was told she would give birth to the Son of God, and then mother His heart? I can’t imagine how Esther felt right before she walked into the king’s court to ask Him to save her people, the Jews. I can’t imagine being Sarah at her age thinking about carrying and giving birth to a baby. Terror.

Jesus’ response to the disciples’ terror? Telling them who He is. “Take heart, it is I. Do not be afraid.” That’s all; no coercing, no begging them to believe it was Him. Just a simple “It’s me, don’t be afraid.”

Peter’s response? Much like mine would be (when I’m feeling bold enough)…”If it’s You, can you do something that could only be attributed to you? Ask me to come out where You are.” Peter knew that Jesus was powerful. He had seen Him perform miracles, forgive the unforgivable and love the unlovable. He had given up his life to follow Him. But still, he was a little unsure when he saw Him walking on water. Could this be Jesus? So, in faith he called out to Jesus and asked Him to make Himself known. He hears a familiar voice say, “Come.”

God loves to show Himself to us. I think we often feel like we are playing hide and seek with God; that He knows the best hiding spots and that we are on a never ending hunt for Him. Then we realize we have had a blindfold on and earplugs in and He’s been standing in front of us the whole time with His arms open and His mouth ready to speak.  Our blindfolds and earplugs vary from fear, sin, pride, etc depending on the day. Time to remove them, brothers and sisters. He’s right in front of us, ready to call us to come where He is.

By faith alone, Peter stepped out of the boat and began walking on the water toward Jesus. By faith, not his intellect- a human walking on water was inconceivable. By faith, not by his skill or talent- not even the greatest skill could aid someone in walking on water. By faith alone, Peter stepped out of the boat and began walking towards Jesus.

Then the wind, which I’m imagining was much stronger than a breeze, blows over Peter as he is getting closer and closer to Jesus. Suddenly, the fear seems to overshadow all that he had faith for. He starts thinking, “How in the world am I walking on water? This does not make sense.” For a moment he forgot that God’s ways and thoughts are much higher than ours.  His whole life he had never seen this be done or happen to anyone. How could it be happening to him? He’s standing in the presence of Jesus but allows his fear and thoughts to distract him and all of the sudden he feels the waves he was just plowing through to engulf him.

In that moment, Peter could have tried swimming back to the boat himself. He could have gone in the complete opposite direction of Jesus and tried his hardest to get back in the boat. But instead, Peter cries out again in faith, “Lord, save me.” All he knows to do in that moment is cry out to Jesus in hopes that He would reach out His hand.

Immediately Jesus stretches out His hand and took hold of him saying, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” I think when I was younger I always imagined Jesus saying that in almost a scolding tone, but I’m not sure that was how it went. I know there isn’t necessarily a way to tell tone by reading and I am not attempting to add anything here, but as I read it the other day I could hear Jesus’ response more like a mother responding to her child complaining because they are hungry. I’ve seen this many times with a friend of mine and my favorite 8 month old, Judson. It usually looks like this…Judson’s happy and playing, bouncing like a crazy man and all of the sudden it hits. He is hungry. Tears, crying and sometimes maybe even a little panic in his sweet little eyes. With a sweet smile she picks him up, holding him tightly, saying, “Brother, have I ever let you go hungry? I always take care of you.  Don’t you remember there has never been a day or moment when you have not been cared for? Don’t cry. I’ll feed you.“ She says this with an unwavering assurance that she knows exactly what his body needs to keep growing and maturing. There’s no anger, quite the opposite, actually. Her voice is filled with tenderness and understanding. She doesn’t think it’s crazy that he’s hungry, but also reminds him there’s no reason to panic. He just needed to remember that he has always been taken care of.

I imagine Jesus taking hold of Peter and speaking to Him in that moment in a similar way. He just saw Peter step out in faith and attempt something that he (or anyone for that matter) had never done before. Jesus knew this was huge for Peter and spoke with understanding to him. “You had little faith. Why did you doubt, brother? Have I ever failed you before? Has there been a moment you haven’t been cared for, Peter?” I love that Jesus speaks to him after He takes hold of him.  Jesus didn’t stand over him looking down saying in a demeaning voice, “What in the world are you doing, Peter? You’re faith is so little and you doubted. Of course that’s where you ended up!” Jesus took hold of him, reassuring him that he is cared for and spoke truth to him. “Peter, your faith kept you the first few steps, you just needed to keep walking it out. Don’t doubt. Now, let’s get back in the boat.”

Everyone watching, jaws dropped from the first few steps Peter took to the moment they get back in the boat, had one response. Worship. Through this whole thing their hearts were affirmed that this man, Jesus, truly was the Son of God. Peter’s falling in the water in that moment didn’t take people away from Jesus. Jesus is bigger than that. And Peter in the end still cried out to Jesus. The overall outcome? Worship and recognition of Jesus as the true Son of God. Sometimes I fear even taking the first few steps of faith to walk out something God is calling me to do for fear that I will fall or mess up in some way, leading others around me to think differently of Jesus. But Peter wasn’t like that. He stepped out in faith knowing that even if he began to sink that Jesus would be faithful to pull him up. Jesus is quick to respond to his children that are pursuing Him. Peter was walking toward Jesus and fell. He had a moment when he started slipping and his response wasn’t to stay there but to cry out to Jesus. And as all around watched they were brought to their knees and the words “Truly You are the Son of God” were on their lips.

Let it be in my life. I want there to be a line somewhere at some point  (hopefully in my own children’s journals) that testifies “by faith, Ashley…” Fill in the blank with whatever big or little thing Jesus wants to call me to. I want to live by faith.

Pursue Jesus

"I don't want to pursue anything but Jesus, not even ministry."

This is something that is consistently on my heart as I go throughout my days. I think a lot about "ministry"- ministry meaning living out the gospel and the Scriptures day in and day out. I also mean specific things/organizations I'm a part of from my job at Central, running Intimacy, being a part of Masterpiece Conference and writing songs/leading worship. I think about ministry in these contexts often- how can I be doing it better? How do I really practically live out the Scriptures I'm reading and how do I encourage other girls I meet with to live it out in the stage of life they're in? I can easily get caught up in "steps" or "processes" of how to do something the "right way" (or at least as I picture it). "I want to steward what I'm given well" is a phrase I'm often talking with others about or asking the Lord how to do in my prayer times. I really do want to do the best I can with what I've been given- I think this is a really great desire, but often I let this desire be what my heart is pursuing and Jesus is left to the side. When in reality, all I need to be doing is thinking on and pursuing the Lord.

All other things will follow.

God honors those who pursue Him with a pure heart.

Scripture says that we are to set our minds on the Spirit, which is life and peace(Romans 8). I can easily see the opposite of life and peace all around me when my mind is set on other things. Even though thinking about how I can be doing things better can be really good and lead to knowing Jesus more, I know myself and I am really prone to being more concerned with doing things right than with just following Jesus. I have to remind myself so much when I'm thinking on ministry (in relation to my job and the other things I'm involved in) that if I'm not thinking on Jesus more than what I can do better, it is all in vain. It's really hard for me to let that go and trust Jesus with the outcome. I want to work hard and see the outcome I expect, not simply obey what the Father is telling me to do and trust Him with the results. Lord, help me let this go.

I've been to a few different conferences specifically geared towards people in worship or ministry leadership. I've been really encouraged in some of them and, unfortunately, really discouraged in some as well. Usually the discouragement kicks in when half way through a talk when I realize that Jesus hasn't been the focus of the teachings/ breakouts, but rather how to do _____ well. Of course, the foundation is all in pursuit of making Jesus known and bringing His kingdom on earth- I'm all for that- but I just think that a lot of our time we spend talking about steps to grow our ministry, we should just start with talking about Jesus; pursuing Him and prayer. It's out of all of this that ministry thrives and feeds off of.

There are so many women I've read about, from Amy Carmichael, Emma Booth Tucker and Corrie Ten Boom, who have had such massive influence on generations of women that have lived this out so well. There writings consistently point to dwelling and thinking upon Jesus. As they did this, they got to be a part of what God was doing around the world and in their homes. As these women pursued Jesus, obeyed and trusted God with the results of what He put their hands to they saw Him do things through them they never thought imaginable. Oh, Jesus, let it be in my life! At the end of my life, like Samuel the prophet, I want to be able to stand up before all the people I've had the honor of leading in small or big ways in confidence that I've done and led them the way the Father would want me to. I think this only can come in pursuing Jesus first...and by "I think" I mean I know and have seen it in the Scriptures and in the lives lived before me.

Lord, help my life be about pursuing you and nothing else. I trust that all you want for me will follow. Help redirect my eyes, heart and mind when it's dwelling on anything else but you.

Life

Warning: picture overload. There were WAY too many things to write about since I haven't done hardly any updating in the past several months, so I deciding to just use pictures. I don't want to forget anything from this season- there have been so many different things going on and I have been learning so much!


The Move:
First off, back at the end of May the five of us (well, Blair and Ash came a little later in the summer)...

Blair, Kellie, Me, Jess, and Ashley

...received the gift of moving into this house:

dream house

We have loved living in this house and have experienced the Lord's kindness in ways we never could have expected. Obviously the house itself is beautiful and so fun thanks to our friend/owner Shauna (seriously, every time someone says something is cute in our house the response is always "oh, yeah...that's Shauna's"- but we're cool with it), but I cannot even begin to describe the gift it has been to live with these girls. I have come to know and understand the character of Jesus more and more with each day of living with these friends. I have been challenged, prayed for, encouraged and loved so much through each one of them - what a treasure! And we laugh a ton- who wouldn't want to live with funny people?! See what I mean:

Big Bird/Blair at Kiva's party. had to Blair-bear...sorry :)

 We've asked the Lord to use our home the way He wants and He has been faithful! Our house is perfect for the different ministries we are all involved in from working with inner city Bryan to a house church that meets in our home on Sundays,  JSL to my Central college girls.

Summer small group dinner! I LOVE my job and I LOVE these girls! This summer, I got to walk these girls through the book, Prodigal God- so, so good! We learned so much and had lots of fun every week.

Year 2:

I started my second year as the college girls director at Central Baptist Church. Who knew that the biggest 2%er would still be around in Aggieland? I have absolutely loved every minute of this job and am so thankful for the ways the Lord is moving in these students, the church body and in us as a staff. It's been so fun to be a part of this church- especially when staff meetings look like this:

that would be my boss showing off his man-calf during a meeting...aka making fun of me for cuffing my jeans

Roadtrip!:

After moving in and starting year 2 of my job, I hit the road with some of my favorite people to go see some friends of ours in Oklahoma. It was a fun trip full of rest, laughter, friends and...sadly ended with me and Will getting one of the worst stomach bugs I've ever gotten. Did I mention we got it the day we were heading back home? Yeah...no fun, but we made it!

me, kell, aubs, and Jada on the way to Oklahoma

Friends got married:

My Project Runway buddy, Stacy, got married and I got to sing at her beautiful wedding. She was gorgeous, as always!

One of my sweetest friends from college, Blaire, got married and I had the privilege of standing by her on her big day! Such a sweet wedding! So happy for you and Dwight!

Come Awake:

Come Awake, my first EP, was written, recorded and produced this summer! I cannot even begin to describe what a gift this has been! It'll be another blog post because I don't want to forget any of it. But I will say for now that I was overwhelmed to the point of tears at the generosity of the Lord and my family  and friends throughout the whole process.

laying the scratch tracks

cutting acoustic

producer extraordinaire/friend Lizi Bailey

sweet friend that made it all happen...i will be thanking her for many years to come

Lizi adding keys

THE Shauna Maness working her magic on my album design

this is what she came up with...I LOVE it. Shauna, sister- you did an incredible job!

And there they are!

Other happenings:

Got to hang with my favorite little people

I had several student leadership retreats, Impact and ministry fairs throughout August...busiest month of the year by far  in college ministry, but also one of the most fun! My introverted self has to practice being a little extraverted for a little bit :) I love my one on one time with my girls, so this month was for sure stretching for me, but so good. I love meeting so many new students and get so excited about what Jesus is going to do in and through them in their time here.

Blair and I got to surprise Aubs and celebrate her birthday with her in Houston

Blair and I also visited my hometown, New Braunfels, to suprise my best friend at her photography display for True Vineyard Ministries. The sun's bright in NB

love these friends...Andrea, Abbey and me. If you need a great photographer in the San Antonio/Austin area this is your girl: Abbey Henderson Photography

got in a little fender bender...or collision maybe. totaled my car...

...got this one! I love it and am so thankful!

Blair and Aubs made some Elmo cake balls that looked exactly like the ones on Pinterest. And by exactly, I mean not quite, rather large and slightly ghetto "Elmo" cake balls...but the birthday girl enjoyed them! And they gave us a good laugh.

just in case you didn't get enough Big Bird earlier

pedicures with the roomie and our friend Brook!

the Garza's got married! Such a fun trip and wedding!

Babies everywhere!!! 3 of my friends gave birth to some precious babies:

My friend, Jenn had her sweet baby Olivia Joy!

meeting Steph's first boy, Judson Christopher Lee for the first time

me, Steph, Kell and Judson

love this little man!

My friend, Donna had her first little girl, Hannah Rae Stuart! This girl is too sweet!

Intimacy 2011

Intimacy 2011! How in the world was it already the 5th year of Intimacy? Wow, thank you, Jesus for all the ways you've been faithful to meet us and bless this night over the years. I got to do a lot of remembering what God has done the past several years and am really thankful to be a part of this ministry. One of my dear friends, Lucretia, spoke that night and I got to lead worship, along with Talitha Dance Co. I'm so thankful for our time and the ways the Lord was teaching us how to dwell with Him.

Lucretia, me, and Steph. I am so thankful for the ways these two have ministered to me over the past several years. 

love these girls; me, shauna, blair, kell, steph and aubs

Steph, me and Shauna. Had fun leading with Shauna!

Mom is 50 29!
My sweet mama turned the big 5-0 a couple weeks ago. Sadly, we completely forgot to take any pictures!! We got to celebrate with some family and friends. I'm so thankful for the years of faithfulness she has displayed to each my dad, me and my sister and to Jesus. My mom is a prayer warrior, extremely passionate, loves to give and desires deeply for people to know truth. I'm thankful for her and the ways I've learned more about the Lord through her life. She was one of the first believers in her family and because of her decisions to love God, as well as the Lord's kindness and blessing, future generations of our family will forever be changed and hopefully be centered on Jesus. Thank you Jesus for my mom!


Congratulations for making it this far! As I said, lots going on here. I'll get better at updating one of these days.

Nurturing Father

There are a lot of updates to come. Several things have happened in the past few months- life has been overwhelming, fun, joyful, restful, tiring, and many other things- all good thanks to Jesus. He has been so kind to me and I'm looking forward to sharing about everything happening in my small part of the world. That'll probably mean an overload of pictures in the post to come.

But for now I just want to share a picture of something the Lord gave me the other day. I was staying with one of my dear friends the other nights, helping out with my favorite little people while her husband was out of town. She recently had this little man, Judson Christopher...

Side note: I never could have imagined how much I would love being "Aunt Ashley" to this little man...he is precious and already has me wrapped around his finger. Anyways...back to the blog :) The other night, Steph woke up to feed him in the middle of the night and as I drifted in and out of sleep, I felt the Lord reminding me of some of the characteristics of the kind of Father He is- nurturing, caring and loving. I'll just share what I wrote the next day in my journal. I hope it encourages you as you read and think about the Father He is or wants to be to you...

It was around 2 or 3 am probably when Judson started stirring. He whimpered for a few minutes then started crying out- clearly, he was hungry. Steph heard his cry and woke. She started speaking really tenderly to him and she leaned over his bassinet to pick him up. She pulled him in close and began feeding him. I wish there was a way to input sounds in my journal- you would have thought he had never eaten before, when in reality he had eaten just a few hours before. After he was finished eating, she burped him then laid him back down, reminding him how much she loves and likes him. Peacefully, he went back to sleep.

As I laid there, half-asleep, listening in and out to this whole process, I felt the Lord gently reminding me that He does the same with His kids. One thing is different though- He never sleeps- He is always ready and alert (not that it was bad Steph was sleeping...mama of 3, she needs it :) ). I was imagining Jesus just sitting watching us sleep, waiting for us to wake up and realize how hungry and in need of Him we are. He will see us stirring and often wait for us to cry out, in faith, acknowledging we are hungry and know that He will hear our cry and respond- as He always does. He picks us up, speaks gently and tenderly to us, pulling us really close, all the while affirming and reminding us that He knows we are hungry and He will feed us. The second we really get a taste of what He gives, we drink it all in, almost forgetting He just fed us moments before. After the feeding, mothers always burp their babies to get the gas out- if not, the baby will often cry until it burps. In the same way, after we are fed, it's almost like going through a sifter. With the eating of what is good, we have to get rid of the junk- if not, it won't sit right and peace cannot abound. It takes some hard patting on the back and encouragement to get it out. Then gently, He places us back down, constantly reassuring us of His love and care and promises to always give us what we need. 

What a tender, nurturing Father we have! Thank, you Lord for this reminder. Help me to understand this deeply. 

I hope your week is sweet. Updates coming soon :)

Come to the Table

I’ve been thinking a lot lately on how the Father prepares a place for His children at His table. There have been a lot of tables that I’ve had the joy of sitting at; sitting across and around people that I really love and respect. There’s something about sitting at a table that’s been prepared for you. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve felt more at home than when I’m sitting at my parent’s kitchen table with my mom’s home cooking or been encouraged at the tables of other friends that love me and prepared a place for me in their homes. And to think, as much as they have fed me- both physically and even spiritually- how much more God pours out at His table!

One of the beautiful pictures is that it is the King Himself who sets the table for us. He doesn’t even hire servants or cooks, but He prepares our table. I’m not a mom, but I know there must be days when it is hard to make sure everyone eats something before they go to bed, much less have to prepare a full meal for your family in the middle of everyday chaos. God is sovereign; everything is under His hand and conforms to His will, yet He still sets the table for His children. What a servant our King is! Thank you, Jesus!

There are a few things to think through about sitting at the table with the King…

1 Corinthians 10:21 says, “You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons. You cannot partake of the table of the Lord and the table of demons.” This means a couple things: 1) There are two tables set before us- the table of the Lord and the table of demons; both being set with the purpose of feeding us, although, both what is being fed and the results of eating at these tables are drastically different. And 2) we cannot be at 2 tables at once.

As I’ve thought more on this, it’s helped me to sort through each of the tables and what is present at each one…

The Table of the Lord

This table is where we can taste and see that the Lord is good, a table full of His riches and mercy. Scripture says that the Lord lavishes His grace upon us (Ephesians 1:7&8). Wrap your mind around that for a second. He LAVISHES His grace upon us. It’s through this grace that we have salvation & forgiveness of sins. What grace to receive salvation that we don’t deserve! This should establish in us an unshakeable thankfulness for what God did through Jesus for us.

It takes humility to sit at this table. Who isn’t humbled or put in a lowly place when they are in the presence of the King? There is no room for pride at a table where the King serves His servants. The greatest act of humility was His becoming like us to save us. When the reality of this sets in, our want to see us exalted diminishes and our heart desire becomes to make much of Him.

The King prepares exactly what we need- always. Our King is all knowing. We never leave the table lacking or hungry.  We walk away full and more complete with every meal. We do however always leave looking forward to the next meal. Once we really taste and see that the Lord is good, we can’t get enough!

In Ephesians 1 it says that God does all of this (salvation and unifying us to Him through the blood of Jesus) according to His pleasure and will. It pleases Him to see His children being filled with what truly satisfies. He loves looking around the table and seeing each child, created in His image to bare His glory, eating their fill. An overwhelming gladness comes with knowing our Father delights in filling our bellies and satisfying us.

Our King lavishes grace to the undeserving, making us thankful- knowing we were about to go hungry, when He pulled us to the table for a feast He prepared.

Our King is a servant, making us humble. He not only tells us about humility but also in His death was definition of it.

Our King is all knowing, making us satisfied because He knows exactly what to provide.

Our King loves to care and feed the hungry, making us glad to sit at His table of provision.

The Table of Demons

This table is set by Satan- the king of darkness and the Deceiver. Scripture says that he comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). Satan is the complete opposite of everything Jesus is. Where Jesus gives grace, he gives condemnation and judgment. Through this condemnation and lack of grace, our hearts are filled with an ever-present dissatisfaction- dissatisfaction with ourselves, others, and our lives altogether.

Where Jesus’ table brings about humility, Satan’s brings out pride and a sense of entitlement. He draws us to the table, telling us that we deserve more, that we’ve earned a seat at his table that is full of worldly pleasures and glories. He showed us the perfect picture of pride and entitlement when he felt like he deserved to be on the same power level as the Creator. He made much of himself, resulting in him being cast away from God forever. At Satan’s table he only speaks of making much of everything but Jesus. He builds up our pride like a giant wall, hoping it will overshadow and block our view of the table of the Lord.

He fills his table with what appeals to our senses, but never satisfies. He disguises our wants as needs and offers to meet them. Satan doesn’t care about filling our bellies with what truly satisfies. He only cares about getting us to his table. Why? Well, what happens at tables? Conversation. He is the Father of Lies…he just wants to start up a conversation, and what better place than at his table that is lacking of everything we really need; a table full of temporary fixes and momentary pleasures that will soon lead to sickness and even death. Have you ever been watching a movie or distracted by a conversation while eating chocolate or some other sort of sweet? What usually happens? Before you know it the bag is gone and eventually your stomach lets you know you’ve had too much of the wrong thing or you are more tired, slower to react where you used to be quick. Satan does the exact same thing at his table. He uses lies and distractions to keep our minds off of what we could be experiencing at the King’s table. Every stomach that sits at this table leaves hungry. There is a difference in food that looks good verses food that tastes good and is good for our bodies physically- it’s the same spiritually. Satan’s table leads to nothing but more and more want and hunger for more of what never satisfies.

Sitting at Satan’s table brings discontentedness and eventual hurt that is beyond comprehension. When the veil is removed, we see that Satan is not in anyone’s corner, but his own. Where Jesus delights in feeding us what is for our good and His glory, Satan loves to see us hungry, feeding us plates empty of spiritual nutrition.

Satan pours out disgrace and condemnation on the already hurting, making us dissatisfied.

Satan feeds lies and builds up the flesh, leading us to pride and a sense of entitlement.

Satan knows what most easily makes us walk away from the King’s table. He prepares a table covered in dishes of false advertisements of satisfaction, leaving us hungry and always wanting more.

Satan glories in destroying and ruining the hungry and needy. His table leaves us discontent and full of shame.

Satan’s table leads to confusion, frustration, sickness and death, and to us wanting more of ourselves.

Oh! Let us run from this table!

The King’s table is filled with undeserved grace and blessing, love that casts out all fear and condemnation, forgiveness, and stirs in us a hunger for more of Jesus and His Spirit.

Oh! Let us run to this table!

Come; sit at the table of the Lord!

Waiting Well

How did I miss 2 months? I've thought about blogging a few different times over the past several weeks, but never really had much to say that I thought was blog-worthy (for the 3 of you that read this). I've had friends describe me as the type that doesn't really like to waste words, so I guess this proves their point (point Shauna Maness).

So what will I write about after a month of waiting and wondering what to write about? Well, how about a blog on waiting? Waiting is all around us. My friend, Aubrey and I were talking about waiting several weeks ago. We both have things we are looking forward to- she and her husband are going to be moving this summer and she is really looking forward to being a mom one day (and she's going to be an excellent one!). I am looking forward to being a wife one day and also looking forward to recording an EP this summer (that's another blog post). As we continued talking about these hopes of ours, we realized that everyone is always in some sort of waiting.

Being in college ministry, (almost a year of a full-time job under my belt- what in the world?!) I am constantly around students who are waiting on something, someone, security in who they are in Jesus, the walk across the stage, direction on what in the world to do after graduation, etc... I'm around (and am one!) single college grads waiting on jobs, ministry opportunities, feelings of purpose, godly husbands (extremely good looking ones of course :) ), etc. I'm around young moms- they're waiting for baby #_ to come, for their child's first steps/words, waiting on their children to wake up from naps to run errands, opportunities to serve and minister, for date night with their man, time to rest, etc. I'm around older moms- waiting on retirement, waiting on their children to grow up but not too fast, waiting on a son or daughter-in-law so that they won't have to wait as long for grand-babies (shout out to my mom...one day, mom, one day), etc...

You get the point?

Waiting.

It. never. ends.

While this may seem a little bit of a downer, there is joy and hope in waiting. If we're always going to be waiting on something, it seems like a great idea to learn how to wait well. But why wait well? In hopes that those periods of what seem like endless wait may be unimaginably more life-giving than what we're even waiting on.  I have experienced this over and over throughout different seasons of waiting and asking the Lord for the next season over the years I have known and walked with Him.

A few things that have helped me wait well (or been absent in my waiting, resulting in some rough days):

Knowing and believing He is a good Dad and always does what is best for His kingdom.

He never grows tired or weary and that Spirit is alive in us who know Him as Lord. Isaiah 40:30&31

His power is made perfect in our weakness- 2 Cor. 12:9

Wisdom and understanding come from the mouth of the Lord and He gives without finding fault. Proverbs 2:6 and James 1:5

I have been so encouraged through the life of King David. He is someone that knew how to wait well. He was anointed at a very young age to be king, but would not fill that role for several years to follow. He had to trust the calling that God placed on his life and trust His timing in it. During his waiting, God prepared his heart into one that would give him the name "the man after God's own heart." During these years of wait, God was readying and ministering to David so he would be ready to lead his kingdom well. I long to be like David in times of waiting, but often find myself more of an Abraham- wanting to take things into my owns hands, resulting in an Ishmael. Thankfully, our God is a gracious one. Our mess ups can be taken to Him, with a dose of humility, and He will carry it.

As I have thought more about waiting, I began thinking of people I know (through their readings or people I know personally) that have waited well. With each one of them, trust, prayer, community, and serving and learning in whatever ways they can in the present are all woven in their everyday lives. They trust God to be the Good Shepherd that He is. They trust that He is always working out everything for the good of those who love Him. They are honest when it hurts, they're sad, and when they are tired of waiting. They don't ignore their hopes and desires...they take them to Jesus but serve Him where they're at in the moment. They know how to rest and dwell with Jesus. They love the Scriptures and live them out to the fullest.

I am really thankful for the different times of waiting I've gone through and the one I'm currently in. Throughout all of them, there were times when it was so hard to wait and not constantly think about the next thing (i.e...sitting through accounting and finance when I knew I wouldn't be using it...ever). But there were also, and I'm currently in a very sweet time of waiting. There are hard days, but ultimately I love where I am and what I'm getting to do right now. He's made it very easy to wait. I absolutely love what my days are full of right now. Days full of sweet college girls that are really wanting to know Jesus, getting to learn from the wives and moms around me, playing with their kids, learning how to cook healthier (a constant state of learning for me), and playing/writing music. What a fun season God has me in! I'm trying to soak it up, knowing my life will be different in a few years...there will never be another day like this one. Every day is different and the same goes for seasons and years.

So, if you're waiting on direction about what to do when you graduate, waiting for a ring to show up on your left hand, waiting for peace in your family, or anything else: rest. Rest in the Truth of the Gospel and the Father that holds you. Look for areas you can be growing and learning in right now that may not be available when you reach the next season. There is a reason you are in this time of your life- there is purpose in every season we go through.