"I don't know if I've felt this small or this inadequate in a long time. I think I've been in such a proud place for a long time, I never left room to notice how small I am. I AM SMALL; I AM NOTHING in comparison to Jesus. It's like comparing a grain of sand to the entire ocean. That's how I feel right now in ministry and just in living as a follower of Jesus. God is SO BIG and SO VAST- how am I going to be a picture of Him and impact others to long to love Him in the depths of their souls."
This is one of my journal entries from this past week. God is doing some really sweet, but stretching things in me. I've been asking God to continually give me confirmation about being a part of women's ministry and what that will look like. No matter what job I end up having or where I end up, I will be a part of ministering to girls and women, but these last couple years I've strongly felt the Lord leading me to a place where ministering to girls could be a "job." I'm not sure where that will go or what it will look like, but I am so hopeful and believe Jesus to show and give me discernment as I continue to walk in faith in this area. I'm praying about some specific things and possibilities in ministry and when I would just sit down and think about them I just kept feeling so small. I couldn't help it, I am inadequate, completely. Half of me says run full speed ahead and go for it and the other half kind of freaked out and said run the opposite way! Thankfully I know the God who fills my inadequacy with His Spirit and provision.
This is one of my journal entries from this past week. God is doing some really sweet, but stretching things in me. I've been asking God to continually give me confirmation about being a part of women's ministry and what that will look like. No matter what job I end up having or where I end up, I will be a part of ministering to girls and women, but these last couple years I've strongly felt the Lord leading me to a place where ministering to girls could be a "job." I'm not sure where that will go or what it will look like, but I am so hopeful and believe Jesus to show and give me discernment as I continue to walk in faith in this area. I'm praying about some specific things and possibilities in ministry and when I would just sit down and think about them I just kept feeling so small. I couldn't help it, I am inadequate, completely. Half of me says run full speed ahead and go for it and the other half kind of freaked out and said run the opposite way! Thankfully I know the God who fills my inadequacy with His Spirit and provision.
I had the opportunity to lead worship at Intimacy in New Braunfels on Friday, so all week I was overwhelmed at the thought of leading these girls when I was feeling like this. I was definitely being stretched all week. On Wednesday night I got to share with my Comm. Group (church small group) what the Lord had been showing me and they all agreed it was a good place to be. They prayed for me, Steph, and Aubrey (who were both going to be a part of it), and I was really encouraged. Thursday I spent some time in the Psalm 22 and God was so good to provide what I needed to lean on…TRUTH. In verse 25 and 26 it says,
Psalm 22: 22-26
"I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation I will praise you; You who fear the Lord, praise Him! All you offspring of Jacob, glorify Him, and stand in awe of Him all you offspring of Israel! For He has not despised or abhorred the afliction of the afflicted, and He has not hidden His face from Him, but has heard, when He cried to Him. From You comes my praise in the great congregation; my vows I will perform before those who fear Him. The afflicted shall eat and be satisfied; those who seek Him shall praise the LORD! May your hearts live forever!”
So after reading that I closed out that journal entry with…
“I’ve felt super inadequate to lead these girls on Friday. It’s a good place to be- seeing how little and insignificant I am, but knowing God can, wants to, and is going to use me. God is BIG; God is EVERYTHING- PERIOD. No comparison. His name stirs praise in my soul and I pray the same for every lady on Friday night. That our hearts would be stirred, be moved and changed and that when we sing and think about Jesus and His name, praise would result.”
I am grateful it is the Holy Spirit and Jesus' salvation that brings about change in others- not me. But I am grateful for the times I get to be used in that process.
So, move over Stretch Armstrong…I’m feeling it too! I’m grateful God moves and stirs in us new things and that we aren’t always in the same position spiritually. We would get sore and hard if we were always hunched over. He lifts up our heads. He knows we need to be stretched and flexible to walk in faith because it’s not easy, it’s a workout!
So, move over Stretch Armstrong…I’m feeling it too! I’m grateful God moves and stirs in us new things and that we aren’t always in the same position spiritually. We would get sore and hard if we were always hunched over. He lifts up our heads. He knows we need to be stretched and flexible to walk in faith because it’s not easy, it’s a workout!
I follow a different religion, but believe in god being one,within every body/every thing and within me (Tatvamasi).
ReplyDeleteBut nice to read about different perceptions, keep posting